Fun The Joke Thread

ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
Have you heard that they've recently released condoms especially designed for those who suffer from premature ejaculation...

Apparently the inside is coated with a strong anaesthetic to provide the user with a numbing sensation that allows them to last longer.

Or you could turn the condom inside-out and then you wouldn't have to worry about waking anyone up...
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I really like kids...

I'm not saying I could eat a whole one in a single sitting, but I'd give it a go.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
Vice-President Dick Cheney is briefing President George W Bush on the war in Iraq.

"And unfortunately, Mister President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed during an allied operation today."

Suddenly, Bush grabs his head in his hands and shakes it from side-to-side, while moaning out loud. "Oh my god! Oh my god!"

Cheney looks at him in surprise. "What's wrong, Mister President?"

Bush looks up at him in dread. "How many is a Brazilian?"
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector. All that beeping gave me a headache and made me feel dizzy.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
If it ever came down to a choice of saving an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will always choose to save the infant without even considering if there was a man on base.
 
chainsaw_metal1

chainsaw_metal1

Member: Rank 8
Angela Merkel, Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump are shot during a conference and die…

Up in the sky, they are greeted by Saint Peter who says: ‚You have died. As you are politicians, surely you have sinned. Therefore you must wade through the Swamp of Lies before you can go to Heaven and join Him in eternal happiness.‘

As in her former life, Merkel wants to tackle every challenge given and goes first. She notices the swamp barely reaches her ankles and thinks ‚Well, that‘s what you get for lying. At least, I did it for a better Europe.‘

Curious about how the others are doing, she looks behind her and sees Putin covered in mud up to his knees. Furiously, she shouts, "This is impossible! Your reign was a dictatorship, you influenced world politics and economics to your benefit and you’ve achieved all that only by telling lies. How is it possible you‘re only knee-deep in this swamp?"

Calmly, Putin answers, "Hush! I‘m standing on top of Donald and he hasn't noticed yet."
 
chainsaw_metal1

chainsaw_metal1

Member: Rank 8
ant-mac said:
I'm not sure it's meant to be humorous, but...
Click to expand...
Sadly, there's truth in it. The Pussy-Grabber-In-Chief defunded them, because, according to him, they were the cause of the recent wild fires in California. Because, you know, he's such an expert on everything, and knows so much better than anyone else.

Seriously, I hate this guy.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
chainsaw_metal1 said:
Sadly, there's truth in it. The Pussy-Grabber-In-Chief defunded them, because, according to him, they were the cause of the recent wild fires in California. Because, you know, he's such an expert on everything, and knows so much better than anyone else.

Seriously, I hate this guy.
Click to expand...
Well, didn't you know that if you regularly clean the floor of the forest, that cuts down on the amount of fires?

You don't need park rangers, just domestic cleaners. :emoji_unamused:
 
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