It is impossible to fathom the depths with which I utterly execrate these wicked worthless wolves, Col Needham and Jeff Bezos, and all they and those like them represent. To call them wolves is a slander upon wildlife and to call them bastards is an insult to the illegitimate. I had barely settled into a passably normal sleep pattern following the disastrous 2016 election when these pinheads couldn't let well enough alone and restrain themselves despite all objections, remonstrances, and plain common sense, from obliterating the heart and soul of the best website in existence devoted to television and film and those who love these art forms. They now drive me to sitting up till 3:30 night after night, aching, exhausted, but relentless, seeking in some small way to offset their damages and make them suffer the consequences of their evil actions.
Their kind will eventually destroy all living things not counted among the 1%. I know my insignificant infinitesimal existence is doomed, slated to be wiped into oblivion just like the Internet Movie Database Message Boards, but this knowledge that every aspect of our existence is manipulated by malevolent millionaires has turned me into CAPTAIN FREAKING AHAB, and the system is MOBY FRICKING DICK! I will hurl my harpoon against its blubbery carcass until it drags me into the depths howling curses upon its miserable machinery with my last breath! The vital difference between me and Captain Ahab is, I am not alone. Thousands, nay, millions, will rise up hacking with harpoons to SLAY THE BEAST! If the LAST THING I DO is to wrench even a small piece out of the slimy hides of these robber barons before my utter and ignominious obliteration, my wretched and pointless existence will be justified!
May the Internet Movie Database sink without a trace and drown all rats who sail in her!
