Review TRANSCRIPTION The Ghosts Of Motley Hall - s02e02-Sir Peveril's Hoard

[michaellevenson]

Background- Motley Hall ancestral home of the Uproars is abandoned and empty. The only inhabitants are ghosts. We have Sir George Uproar, General from the time of the Crimean war, Francis " Fanny" Uproar his great grandfather, but is a younger man who died younger, Bodkin an Elizabethan jester and Matt the stable lad who died very young , finally The White Lady, she has no memory of her life, no idea who she was, by her dress probably lived around 12th century. We also have Mr Gudgin, the real estate manager, custodian of Motley, he is desperate to sell the property but with its reputation for being haunted that isn't easy.
The ghosts can interact with the real world, ie touch and move objects, they can't control who sees them, and only Matt can leave the house and go into the grounds, the others have spent centuries trapped earthbound in the house. Gudgin suspects the ghosts exist and occasionally sees The White Lady. The year is 1976.

 

[michaellevenson]

The White Lady appears in the hallway, no one is about but she notices the front door is open, she disappears. The ghosts can move at will disappearing and reappearing at will .
Up in the attic, Sir George and Francis are sitting on wooden crates playing cards.
G " hammering you say?"
F " yes, kept we awake half the night "
G " hammering not drumming "
F " no why?"
G " the ghostly drummer "
F " have we got one?"
G " supposed to have "
F " on the roof?"
The White Lady appears,
WL " have you seen Gudgin "
G" no"
WL " well the front door is open and he is nowhere to be seen "
Bodkin and Matt suddenly appear.
B " we know where he is "
WL " where?"
Both Matt and Bodkin look up.
Sir George and Fanny stand up in respect.
G " how ghastly "
F " poor old Gudgin "
M " no not dead, on the roof"
F " what's he doing up there?"
G " inspecting it of course, the beggar is jolly thorough "
M " he was up there yesterday with that soldier "
G " soldier?"
B " you mean that policeman went up there with him"
Bodkin recognizes a policeman despite dying in the Elizabethan age, experience of haunting the place for centuries.
Sir George is looking worried, Matt a Georgian stable lad asks,
M " what's wrong Sir George?"
G " police on the roof with Gudgin, banging and hammering in the night.."
F " something is awry"
G " don't like the sound of it, if only we could get out of the house "
B " Matt can"
G " yes, but can you ( points up)?"
M " easy"
G " very well"
Sir George a military man always gives orders military style when he can.
G " stand to attention..now..upward..go"
Matt concentrates then floats upwards through the ceiling and onto roof.

From left to right; Freddie Jones, Nicholas Le Provost, Sean Flanagan, Sheila Steafel, Arthur English as George, Francis, Matt, White Lady and Bodkin

 

[michaellevenson]

On the roof Matt unobserved watches Gudgin the realtor, with another man.
S " that's nearly 200 square feet they've taken, lead fetches a good price even today. They did Chiselham church the other week and got away with two lorry loads "
G " how long before I can have your estimate Mr Sands ?"
S " shouldn't take long"
G " any idea how much?"
S " well Mr Gudgin you won't see much change out of 2000 pounds "
Peter Sallis is Gudgin

 

[michaellevenson]

The ghosts sit around the long table in the great hall.
G " he'll never be able to afford that "
The White Lady dramatically stands and wails as is her style.
WL " whoa...whoa..."

B " stop moaning that ain't going to help "
G " with the lead off the roof Motley is at the mercy of the elements, the rain will pour in, the ceiling will come down, and before we know it grass will grow through the floor "
M " can't we do anything "
F " er..mow it"
G ( shouts) " MOW IT!!"
B " it's money Gudgin needs and we ain't got a farthing "
M " ain't there anything in the house we could sell"
B " don't be daft son the place is empty "
M " what about the cellar, there's a lot of stuff down there "
G " nothing but rubbish "
M " how d'you know, there might be something valuable "
G " because if there had been Gudgin would have found it by now "
Bodkin looks hopeful,
B " hang on, no he wouldn't have, because he never goes down there, afraid he'll see something ( points to White Lady)"
G " by George you're right"
They all get up to go downstairs, except Francis.
F" I know why don't we take a look"
Francis looks up , they've all gone, Francis isn't the brightest of fellows.

 

[michaellevenson]

In the cellar they are looking through stuff dumped here, it does seem to be rubbish.
G " good heavens "
F " what's that Sir George?"
G ( holding bat) " my old cricket bat Fanny, played for the Gentlemen you know, 1858, rain stopped play"
M " Sir George look"
Matt has found a large chest containing papers ,documents.
G " letters, lawsuits, accounts, nothing of value there"
Bodkin holds up an old birdcage.
B " Sir George remember Lady Agatha's parrot "
G " yes, drank stout "
B " did it"
G " fool! Lady Agatha....parrot drank gin"
Matt has found something ,
M " what's this?"
It's a clay bust, a head of a man, quite miserable looking.
B " don't know "
F " miserable looking cove ain't he"
B " who's that Sir George?"
G " nobody I know "
Suddenly a groan is heard.
B ( to White Lady) " was that you?"
WL " certainly not"
B " someone moaned"
WL " when anyone moans you always think it's me"
B " you don't know you're doing it half the time, it's like biting your fingernails "
WL " I never bit my fingernails in my life, and haven't started since"
More groans and moans are heard, something or someone is in the cellar with them.

 

[michaellevenson]

G " hello we've disturbed something "
B " who's there....stand and reveal yourself "
More moans, a man's voice, a deep sad moan.
G " now look old boy, there's absolutely no need to feel shy, we're all in the same boat ain't we"
WL " quite "
G " nothing to be ashamed about, so do put in an appearance there's a good chap "
More groans and moans,
F" I don't like the sound of it "
B " no neither do I "
WL " it's very rude to be heard and not seen "
G ( military tone) " now pay attention, I don't know how many years you've been down here, but I am the ghost of General Sir George Uproar KC MG and I expect respect especially from unspecified spectres "
More groans,
WL " well I'm not staying here to be howled at"
F " a plague on you ,you insolent mongrel "
M " stop your noise"
G " very well, as he won't listen to reason we'll take all that we have found and return to the great hall......forward everyone "
They all march out behind Sir George.

 

[michaellevenson]

In the hall the groans can still be heard as they all troop in.
M " oh no he's followed us up here"
B ( shouts) " stop your cacophony "
WL " perhaps it knows "
B " what about "
WL " the roof"
B " no that ain't it, I think one of these things we've found belongs to him and he wants us to put it back "
More moans, a bit lighter in tone ,a sort of aaahhhh.
F " I think you've hit it Bodders"
G " yes but which one?"
Francis holds up a violin .
F " is this what you want?"
Silence,
B " how about this?"
Bodkin holding cricket bat,
G " THAT'S MINE!"
WL " or this", holding painting.
M" or this", holding bust.
Louder moans and a AARRGGHH cry.
WL " yes that "
G " better get rid of it, wouldn't have got much for it anyway, ugly old thing "
B " no wait, let me have another look at that "
Bodkin places bust on table.
More groans,
WL " oh do be quiet "
B " I do know him, so do you Fanny "
F " do I?"
B " yeah, a very good likeness it is too. Don't you remember we haunted him once"
F " we've haunted lots of people Bodders, can't expect a fellow to remember them all"
B " but you wouldn't forget this one, the miser of Motley, Sir Peveril Uproar"

 

[michaellevenson]

F " of course you're right Bodders "
B " don't you remember how he sat counting his fortune, holding his jewels up to the light, chuckling away to himself "
F " and he buried the lot before he died. The rotten old hawkerbite."
The White Lady motions for them all to get into a huddle and she whispers,
WL " if we ask him nicely do you think he'd tell us where he's buried it?"
G " I doubt that "
B " he wouldn't tell anyone "
F " try the old skinflint "
B " Sir Peveril "
Moans now heard over by the stairs.
B " gets about doesn't he......sorry we've moved your bust, but we're going to put it back. We need your help on another matter..some thieves have taken the lead off the roof and it'll take a tidy sum to repair it...so...er."
G(shouts ) "WELL ASK HIM!!"
B " and we thought if you could see your way clear to tell us where you buried your lovely money"
Sir Peveril " " AAARRRGHHH.....!!

 

[michaellevenson]

B " I told you he'd go berserk "
G "DON'T YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO MOTLEY?"
F " the place could collapse for all he'd care"
WL " Sir Peveril do be reasonable, we don't want it , it's no use to us...but your money.."
SP " oooohhhh...AARRGGHH "
B " see..money money money it's all he cared about "
M " if he won't tell us maybe we could find it for ourselves "
G " where do we start?"
F " there's absolutely nothing to go on"
B ( shouts towards stairs) " tight fisted old stump"
WL " don't antagonize him"
B " it's no good to you anymore, can't you see that "
M " it must be somewhere "
SP " ooww...ooww...oooo."
WL " how long do you think he'll go on with that awful noise"
B " until we put that thing back "
Sir George motions Matt to return bust to cellar.
WL " hang on, wait a minute, look an inscription at the base of it"
G " Sir Peveril Uproar I expect "
The White Lady studies bust closely.
WL " no it has more words than that, ( whispers) it could be a clue to where the treasure is buried "
SP " no..no.....!!"
G " AH HA!...it is"

 

[michaellevenson]

M " well what does it say"
WL " my secret is safe from all my foes for Tibbs is the only one who knows "
M " who's Tibbs?"
G " no idea, not much of a clue either "
B " not much like Sir Peveril either "
F ( studying bust) " oh it is "
B " I meant him telling anyone "
F " telling anyone what"
B " where the treasure was, I mean Tibbs would have dug it up right away"
G " perhaps he or she did"
WL " no it says the secret is safe because of Tibbs knowing "
B " wasn't his wife"
WL " why not"
B " because he didn't have one"
M " perhaps it was a friend he could trust"
B " didn't have one of them either , like a hermit wasn't he Fanny "
F " who?"
B " Sir Peveril you great pudding "
F " yes yes,no friends at all, all rather miserable in those days wasn't it Bodders "
G " gone all quiet hasn't it"
M " could it have been one of the servants?"
B " don't be daft he wouldn't have told a servant anything. He hardly even spoke to them , he used to write them little notes, pushed them under the door."
F " I don't remember that "
B " notes telling them what he wanted to eat, what to get for his cat"
F " oh yes his cat, awful flee ridden thing . I never used to understand why he was so fond of that thing , you know it was the only thing he ever talked to...I mean a parrot I'd understand "
WL " what did you say?"
F " the cat was the only thing he talked to "
WL " what was its name"
F " erm....Tibby"
G ( blowing his top) " TIBBY!! TIBBY!! you know Francis I wonder sometimes how you can be so....so..nevermind "
Francis looks down sheepishly,
F " oh.....sorry "

 

[michaellevenson]

WL " no wonder the hiding place is still safe if he only told his cat"
G " so much for your clues madam"
SP " ...hahaha...
B " I think I preferred the howling "
F " he doted on that moggy, remember how he built a memorial to it "
B " gloriana I'd forgotten about that "
WL " a memorial to Tibbs?"
G " it's gone quiet again"
B " it has"
G " where was this catafalque?"
F " eh"
WL " Tibbs memorial "
B " it's somewhere in the grounds "
G " I remember a little square memorial in the grounds when I was a boy. The gardeners used to sharpen their billhooks on it"
M " that sounds just the place to hide the treasure "
SP ( scream) " AARRGGHH...
B " hit the nail on the head have we you old blubberer "
G " by George I think we have"
WL " it's in the monument "
B " but where is the monument "
G " in the garden......oh wait..my father had it moved"
WL " where to?"
G " I don't know, I was away at school at the time "
B "he didn't get rid of it altogether Sir George?"
G " no it's in the ground somewhere I'm sure of it...or was...I can't remember where "
WL " you must Sir George the future of Motley is in your hands"
G " DON'T BE SO DRAMATIC..I'm doing my best".

 

[michaellevenson]

G " wait a minute I seem to remember an ivy covered shed nearby "
B " Matt, an ivy covered shed "
M " I'll find it"
Matt vanishes and reappears outside the house. Looks around for a minute then runs off into the overgrown huge gardens.
The others in the house staring out of the window.
G " no the fools' going the wrong way "
B " are you sure Sir George "
G " cause I'm sure, DAMN IT why can't he see he's going wrong, COME BACK MAN COME BACK"
B " keep calm Sir George he can't hear you"
G ( ranting)"CALM?CALM?..
George rages , jumps up and down and slowly vanishes.
And for the first time since his demise he is outside Motley.
G " good lord..I'm out.."
Sir George walks slowly disbelieving, touching the foliage as he walks in the grounds, then sees Matt.
In the house the others are astonished.
F " how did he do it?"
WL " I wish I knew"
B " so do I, but I tell you what, we've got twice as much chance now of finding the treasure, haven't we Sir Peveril "
SP " AARRGGHH..OOHH"
B " yes..exactly"

 

[michaellevenson]

George meets up with Matt,
G " don't like to tell you but you're going the wrong way....it's over here "
M " but..but..you're out of Motley "
G " yes I thought you needed some assistance "
M " are the others....."
G " no they haven't mastered it yet....forward"
Matt points to far wall of grounds,
M " look Sir George, ivy covered shed "
G " aha!"
They see monument.


G " look, a cat"
The memorial is a square stone construction with a stone cat at its centre. George reads the inscription.
G " in memory of Tibbs"
M " anything else?"
G " yes...her little tongue will never wag to let the cat out of the bag"
Meanwhile in Motley there are now two disturbed spirits, Sir Peveril and now Tibby, the ghost of the cat too!
SP " AAARRRGHHH "
Cat " ....mmmmeeeeooww.."
F " my god what's that?"
B " caterwauling "

Matt and Sir George continue investigating monument. Matt raps on stonework on one side of monument.
M " it sounds hollow"
G " but how does it open"
Matt examines the four stone pillars, one of them is a bit loose, he turns it , and at ground level a little hatch opens.
M " Sir George look"
G " aha!"
Sir George bends down and puts hand into opening and pulls out a jewellery box. He opens it, it's empty except for a note.
G (reading)" to all greedy fools, my gold is gone now I am dead, it's secret locked within my head"
M " we've been led by the nose like a brace of donkeys "
Sir George tosses the box away and heads sullenly back to the house.

 

[michaellevenson]

Back at Motley,
SP "
B " he's changed his tune again "
WL " something is wrong I can sense it"
Outside,
G " bamboozled by that ghastly ghoul"
M " what now Sir George?"
G " we've suffered a setback that's all. We'll return to HQ regroup and plan another sortie..come on"
Matt reappears in Motley, Sir George breathing the air joyfully, enjoying this experience before returning to Motley, he may never get out again.
Matt tells others what happened,
M " there was no gold, no jewels, just another message telling us what fools we are"
WL " where's Sir George?"
Outside Sir George disappears but reappears not in Motley but still outside at the wall of the house, he can't get in. He tries again and fails. He stops, thinks, was it the rage he was feeling before he disappeared from Motley that got him out?
He recreates that rage,
G ( jumping up and down)"LET ME IN I WANT TO GET IN"
He vanishes and reappears inside, he is still seething as Sir Peveril continues to laugh.
G " WHERE ARE YOU YOU OLD DEVIL COME OUT AND FIGHT"
Sir George leaps onto the table and accidentally kicks the clay bust hurting his foot.
G " owww! ( more laughs from Peveril) how dare you laugh at me"
Sir George picks up bust and hurls it onto floor.
SP " NO NO !!Noooo!!
The bust smashes and amid the broken clay pieces is the treasure.

 

[michaellevenson]

M " look!..the gold is safe now I am dead it's secret locked within my head "
On the floor, are jewels, gold, precious stones.
G " of course "
F " the cunning old fox "
WL " we can save Motley "
Matt looks out of window,
M " Gudgin is here"
Matt vanishes and reappears outside, Gudgin and Mr Sands get out of a truck , ready to replace the lead tiles.
Inside Motley,
G " put the treasure on the table, Gudgin is bound to see it there "
WL " but I can tell him about it"
G " no better write him a note , we don't want to scare the beggar off, he ran away last time he saw you "
The treasure is laid out on the table with a note written by the White Lady.
G " you know I don't know what Gudgin would do without us"
Matt returns,
M " Sir George what's insurance ? is it money...Gudgin said..."
G " insurance! why didn't I think of that ,Motley is bound to be insured "
B " you mean he didn't need the treasure "
G " no, never did it was all for nothing "
M" they're coming in"
G " quick hide the treasure "
The ghosts between them scoop up the valuables and all run into a priest hole in the wall that Bodkin opened up which only the ghosts know about.
WL " we can save it all for a rainy day , oh one more thing"
The White Lady runs out of hidey hole and picks up letter to Gudgin that she wrote tears it up into tiny pieces and throws them into the air, and dashes back to join the others in the priest hole.....just as Gudgin enters....and sees tiny bits of paper fluttering in the air falling to the floor...the ghosts are around...again.
Gudgin " oh no not again "
THE END