Inside Number 9 Episode Synopsis Thread

[michaellevenson]

1.1 Sardines

Rebecca and Jeremy host their engagement party at Rebecca's family's stately home. The guests play the parlor game sardines, a variation of hide-and-seek in which one person hides and the other players have to join them in their hiding place once they are found. Rebecca finds Ian (who works with Jeremy) in a bedroom wardrobe. As they wait for more people to arrive, Ian mistakenly calls her "Rachel". A young man, Lee, enters the room but does not find the pair, though they are later found and joined by Rebecca's prudish brother Carl, and then Carl's flamboyant partner Stuart. Jeremy's ex-girlfriend Rachel finds the group and joins them. Ian mentions that Jeremy frequently talks about "you", but it is unclear whether he is talking to Rebecca or Rachel. To Rebecca's annoyance, Stuart, Rachel and Ian briefly leave the wardrobe for a break. Stuart enters the en suite where Geraldine is sat on the toilet. In the wardrobe, Carl and Rebecca talk; the former is uncomfortable, and, when Rebecca asks why, he tells her to "look where we are".
Ian, Rachel and Geraldine join Rebecca and Carl. Geraldine says that the room is normally locked, but Rebecca rebukes her. Stuart rejoins the group after using the toilet. As the group talk, Mark and his wife, Liz, enter the bedroom, unaware of the people hiding in the wardrobe. The pair talk candidly before beginning foreplay and lying down on the bed. Geraldine shouts to alert them, and those in the wardrobe pretend they did not hear Mark and Liz's conversation. Mark and Liz reluctantly enter the wardrobe. As the doors close, Rachel's boyfriend Lee enters the room, but as the wardrobe has become more cramped, Stuart and Lee hide under the bed and Ian moves to the en suite bathroom. Stuart and Carl argue, and it is revealed that Carl has a fear of intimacy. When "Stinky" John enters the room, both those in the wardrobe and under the bed claim there is no room, so he hides behind a curtain. Jeremy enters the room and tells Rebecca he is going to pick up another guest from the train station, but as he turns to leave he mistakenly calls her "Rachel". Andrew, Rebecca's father, enters and becomes annoyed when he sees people hiding in different places. He forces Jeremy, Stuart, Lee and Stinky John into the wardrobe with everyone else and follows them in.
The people in the wardrobe are uncomfortable, not least because of John's odor. Geraldine passes around mints as Andrew tells Mark that he no longer has contact with Dicky Lawrence, a potential business contact of Mark's. Andrew sings the "sardine song", but Carl angrily stops him. Andrew and Geraldine reminisce about a scout jamboree held in the house many years ago, but Geraldine remembers that a boy named Phillip Harrison, nicknamed "Little Pip", said Andrew did "terrible things", and that the police were involved. Carl says how Andrew paid Pip's family to move away, and Andrew counters by claiming he did nothing to Pip and was only teaching him how to wash himself. Carl implies that he and John were not as lucky as Pip, and John says he can smell carbolic soap. There is silence, and Stuart points out no one else is looking for them, but they realize Ian has not yet returned from the bathroom. Jeremy says Ian is the person he was going to pick up from the station, but when Mark claims Ian is already at the party, Jeremy reveals the person Mark is referring to is not Ian. Outside, "Ian" locks the wardrobe and sprays it with lighter fluid while singing the sardine song. Carl realises Ian is actually Phillip, and the episode ends with Phillip leaning against the wardrobe, a lighter in his hand.

 

[michaellevenson]

1.2 A Quiet Night In
Inside a large, modernist house, Gerald turns on Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2 and sits down to soup brought by his housekeeper, Kim. Through the windows behind him, burglars Eddie and Ray are seen. Ray enters the house, then lets in Eddie while Gerald is using the toilet. Eddie is shocked to see that the pair have come to steal an almost completely white painting. Ray starts to dismantle the painting while Eddie keeps watch; he tries to guide a Yorkshire Terrier out of the patio window, but inadvertently lets in an Irish Wolfhound. As Ray releases the wolfhound, Eddie tries to throws the terrier into the garden, but Ray has closed the window, so the terrier smashes into the window dead, so Ray stuffs the dog into an umbrella stand.

Sabrina walks down the stairs, and Ray puts the painting back and hides. Sabrina turns down Gerald's music to watch EastEnders. Gerald returns, sitting away from Sabrina. He turns up his music and the pair fight over the television remote, before leaving through the patio door and arguing, though their voices are muffled. Ray cuts away the canvas and replaces it with pieces of kitchen roll, the joke being it's modern art, so who'll know. When Sabrina re-enters, she unknowingly stands on the canvas. Kim picks it up, mistaking it for laundry, and heads into a laundry room as Sabrina walks upstairs. Eddie follows Kim and she sprays something into his eyes. Ray knocks out Kim and sees the canvas in a laundry basket, which is sent up a laundry chute. He runs upstairs, while Gerald remains outside.
Sabrina packs a holdall, including the contents of the laundry basket. She locks the case and heads into an en suite. Downstairs, Gerald retrieves a pistol and heads back outside. Ray attempts to steal the key from Sabrina's discarded trousers and he sees that Sabrina is a trans woman. On the patio, Gerald points the gun into his mouth, as Eddie stumbles around in the lounge area, having accidentally pushed chilli peppers into his eyes. Ray hides under Sabrina's bed as she reenters the room; lying on a sex doll with both breasts and a penis, he is almost discovered. Eddie washes his face, and Gerald starts to play "Without You". Sabrina makes her way downstairs, taking the holdall's key. Sabrina and Gerald dance.
Ray drags the case to the top of the stairs and meets Eddie. Gerald lays Sabrina down on the sofa, places a cushion over her face and shoots her. Gerald turns off the music as the doorbell is heard. Answering the door, Gerald sees a man who holds up a sign reading "Hello, my name is Paul. I am deaf & dumb." The reverse of the sign reads "Do you need any cleaning products today?" Gerald heads inside and hides Sabrina's body as Paul waits. Gerald splashes his soup onto the blood stained settee to hide the blood, and invites Paul to clean it. Ray runs down the stairs and meets Paul; he proceeds to buy rope before returning upstairs. Paul continues to clean, but sees the bullethole in the cushion, and then the suitcase being lowered outside the window. Gerald heads outside to investigate, but Eddie and Ray drop the case on his head killing him. The burglars run past Paul and look out to see the canvas in the pool, before both being shot by Paul. Paul rings someone and says "Hello, it's me. Yeah, it's done." He looks to the fake painting, and says "I've got it right here. Yeah, it's fine. Not a peep out of anyone." He takes down the painting and walks out, as the real canvas is seen sinking in the pool.

 

[michaellevenson]

1.3 Tom And Gerri
Tom is a primary school teacher who is frustrated about his job. He is an aspiring author. Tom has a girlfriend Gerri who is in the acting business. Tom looks out of his apartment window, to see a homeless man whom he calls "tramp" and judge very harshly. After Tom takes Gerri for a walk outside, he seems to have dropped his wallet. This lost wallet is returned by the homeless man named Migg. Tom thanks the guy and gives him some money. Migg buys alcohol from that money to thank Tom and Tom wanting to show some gratitude, decides to have him in his apartment for a drink to escape the cold weather outside. So, they start talking and Tom is writing a novel that is like the novels from Charles Bukowski, who turned into a writer after being homeless for quite sometime. Migg says he know Charles and they start talking about him. Tom gets interested in Migg's story and both get drunk. The next morning Tom wakes up and realizes that he has missed his job that day, Migg takes a shower making the tub dirty.
Gerri comes to visit Tom and gets irritated by the fact that the "tramp" was in the apartment and tells Tom to get rid of him. Then, Tom tries to get rid of Migg but Migg makes Tom quit his job and concentrate more about being a writer. Migg also deletes the calls that Tom had received and doesn't pay any kind of bills at all. Migg starts stealing money from Tom and start to change his life whereas Tom starts to look more and more "tramp"-like as he gets indulged in his life after quitting his job. Tom distances Gerri by saying she is also a parasite when she tries to tell him how Migg is sucking all his money and life from him. Stevie, a colleague at school, comes to visit Tom to check how he is doing. He wants Tom to be normal and come to work at the school again. But Tom falls deep into the pit that he himself dug. Migg comes to visit Tom, saying he has got a new job and goes to the bathroom for taking a shower. Migg looks clean and tidy now whereas Tom looks dirtier than ever.
Gerri comes to visit Tom again, she tells him that Migg is just his imagination, a character he created to quit his job, live a reckless life and do whatever he wants without putting any type of burden on himself. Gerri argues that she hasn't seen this Migg ever and asks where he is. Tom takes her to the bathroom. There is no one there. Tom realizes that Gerri is right, but after she leaves, Tom sees Migg hiding behind the door and Migg asks if everything is okay. Then, it is seen that Gerri and Tom seem to have their normal life back, Tom realizes that he had to let go of his imaginary friend and to live his life normally. Then, Stevie visits Tom, Tom asks Stevie to meet with Gerri, but he can't find Gerri. Stevie tells Tom that Gerri died in an accident some time ago. Tom denies this and tells him that Gerri was the one who made him realise that Migg is imaginary and had to "get rid" of him. Tom tries to show that to Stevie by taking him to the bathroom.
There, Stevie sees Migg drowned in the bath tub. Stevie is horrified and shocked but Tom still believes that Migg was not real, and tells Gerri, who in fact died many years ago in a car crash, to make some tea.

 

[michaellevenson]

1.4 Last Gasp
On the ninth birthday of the severely ill Tamsin, parents Graham and Jan struggle with a camcorder and blow up balloons. A charity called WishmakerUK has arranged for pop star Frankie J Parsons to visit Tamsin. Frankie arrives, much to the excitement of Jan, accompanied by his personal assistant Si and WishmakerUK representative Sally. Frankie visits Tamsin in her bedroom, and blows up a purple balloon for her. He begins to struggle for breath and then collapses from an intracranial aneurysm. Later, Graham makes tea for Jan and Sally. Jan is upset about Frankie's death. Si says that no one can touch anything or call an ambulance until Frankie's manager arrives. Tamsin, sitting in her wheelchair, holds the balloon; and Graham and Si realise that it may be valuable. Si takes the balloon from Tamsin, and Graham ties it. Sally takes a call from her boss, but does not mention Frankie's death. She makes excuses to have a colleague cover for her on her next assignment so that she can stay at the house. Graham and Si argue over the balloon, and Graham gives it to Sally, as he considers her "a neutral". He looks online to work out how much the balloon and accompanying footage may be worth.

Later, Jan starts playing one of Frankie's CDs, but Graham turns it off to talk about money with Si and Sally. Jan takes Tamsin outside. Tamsin worries that Frankie's death is her fault because she asked him to blow up the balloon. She asks if Frankie's soul will go to Heaven, and Jan says that it will. Inside, Si, Sally and Graham argue about how to split the money they will make from the balloon. The argument gets heated after Sally argues that the fact Tamsin will soon die should preclude her from getting a share. As Graham threatens to pop the balloon, Jan reappears and chastises him. Tamsin, who is now considered neutral, takes the balloon. Graham says they should all settle down and have lunch. In the kitchen, Sally and Jan talk about Sally's work, and, in Tamsin's bedroom, Graham and Si talk about Parsons, with Si revealing that Parsons was actually unpleasant to work for. There is a loud bang from outside, and everyone goes back into the lounge, erroneously thinking that the balloon has burst. Graham and Si take the balloon to an upstairs bedroom and tuck it into a bed, while Jan turns the music back on.

Everyone sits in silence, waiting for Parsons's manager to arrive. Jan suggests that Graham blow up another balloon for Tamsin. Sally, Si and Graham realise that, with the camera footage they have, they can blow up all the purple balloons and sell them to multiple bidders. Jan screams when she sees movement in Tamsin's bedroom, and it is realised that Frankie is still alive. Jan takes Tamsin out of the room and the remaining three agree, after panicked discussion, that they should kill Frankie. Si loses a coin toss and smothers Frankie with a cushion. Later, out on the street, Frankie's body is put into an ambulance. Si says to Sally and Graham that he will be in touch and leaves. Sally and Graham discuss selling the camcorder footage, and Jan runs inside to see that Tamsin is not in her chair or room. Upstairs, Tamsin crawls onto the bed containing the balloon, carrying a heart-shaped helium balloon. On the street, Sally, Graham and Jan see Tamsin opening the upstairs window. She releases the helium balloon with the balloon containing Frankie's breath attached. The two float skyward as Graham films.

 

[michaellevenson]

1.5 The Understudy
( based loosely on Macbeth)
Act I
Tony Warner is starring in the lead role of Macbeth at the Duke of Cambridge Theatre. Coming back to his dressing room after a performance, he is visited by his understudy Jim. When invited to attend the understudy rehearsal, Tony makes an excuse about having a voiceover job at that time; and the pair are joined by Tony's neighbours Jean and Bill, who have just watched Tony's performance and invites him to dinner. Tony tries the same excuse with them but is unsuccessful. Tony leaves with them, and Jim puts on Tony's prop crown, imagining himself in the leading role.

Act II
Before the understudy rehearsal, Jim's fiancée Laura (the understudy for Lady Macbeth) helps him learn lines in Tony's dressing room. Company manager Felicity arrives and scolds them for using the room. While Jim is absent, Felicity flirts with Laura. Laura asks Tony's dresser, Kirstie, what he earns, before opening Tony's payslip to see for herself. She is determined for Jim to appear as Macbeth, which would allow them to save for their wedding. Laura cuts herself on a pin that Kirstie left in the Lady Macbeth dress, and after she and Kirstie leave the room, Jim sees a drop of blood on the floor grow into a large puddle. When he looks again, it has gone.

Act III
During a Friday night performance, Tony is drunk as he comes backstage during the interim between his part in Acts IV and V. Felicity is angry that Tony, a recovering alcoholic, got drunk again; she has had to issue several refunds because of his drunken behaviour on stage. She sends him into the shower to sober up, and summons Jim. He is unsure whether he knows the lines well enough to go onstage in Tony's place, but Laura encourages him to take the chance. As she hands him a prop dagger, he sees blood all over the dagger and her hands. Tony comes out of the shower and wants to finish the performance, so Jim allows him to go. Laura berates Jim for his lack of ambition. She is left alone in the dressing room and hears noises coming from the shower; but when she goes to look, it is empty. A scream is then heard from the stage, and the stage manager calls for a medic.

Act IV
Jim has taken over the role of Macbeth. It is mentioned that Tony fell off the battlements on stage, and is in hospital. Felicity has been sacked after she was accused of sexual harassment. Laura arrives to congratulate Jim, and he thanks her for encouraging him. He is distant, eventually asking her to leave him to prepare alone. As he puts on his crown in front of the mirror, he hears the sound of whispering, and sees blood pouring from both his eyes and the mirror.

Act V
Nineteen months later, Jim is a famous actor playing the title role in Richard III at the theatre, using the same, now redecorated, dressing room. A paralysed Tony comes backstage to visit him and talks about how far Jim's career has come. Jim broke up with Laura and has not seen her since his run in Macbeth. After Tony leaves, Kirstie arrives to see Jim. She is now Tony's full-time carer. She has watched Jim's performance every day of the week, and says she knew that he just needed "a little push" to achieve greatness. She tells him that Laura committed suicide by slitting her wrists in the dressing room's shower. Jim did not know about this, because he was overseas filming a role in Game of Thrones at the time. He believes that Laura pushed Tony off the battlements and could not live with her guilt. Kirstie reveals that she herself is the one who pushed Tony, and spiked his juice with alcohol backstage. She also got Felicity sacked because Felicity would not let Jim perform as Macbeth. Kirstie is wearing the engagement ring that she took from Laura's corpse. She tells Jim that she is waiting for him "in the wings ... like an understudy". She leaves, and as Jim prepares to go onstage, he sees bloody visions of Laura's death.

 

[michaellevenson]

1.6 The Harrowing
Katy Hepworth, a school girl in her full uniform including dark tights, has been hired to take care of Hector and Tabitha's mansion while the two go out for the evening. They usually never leave the house, but have a rare event to attend that evening. Tabitha greets Katy at the door and explains that the house is always kept at −3 °C as Hector and Tabitha's disabled brother, Andras, needs the air to be at this temperature. Katy has brought along a thick coat due to this. The paintings on the house's walls depict the Harrowing of Hell. After meeting Hector, Katy is disturbed by Tabitha's descriptions of Andras, who, it is claimed, does not have a mouth. He instead keeps a bell, which he never uses, beside his bed. Katy is informed not to go upstairs.

Hector and Tabitha leave and Katy is spooked by the house, especially when she finds a stuffed cat on the sofa. She sees an old photograph of Hector, Tabitha and Andras as children, but Andras does not look disabled. Katy's friend Shell arrives also in her school uniform and tights and plays with Hector's stairlift, sending it upstairs. Katy warns Shell not to break anything as she was told, and is startled to see the now-live cat. Katy tries to call her father so she can leave, but the house has no mobile phone reception and the house phone's party line is tied up. As she prepares to leave, the stairlift returns downstairs and Andras's bell rings. Katy is scared of going upstairs, but, at Shell's insistence, the two go to check on him.

Katy and Shell explore and enter Hector's bedroom, where they find a circle of salt around the bed. They hear the bell again and trace the sound to Andras's room. When Katy opens the bed's curtains, Andras's deformed body is revealed: he is tied to the bed and gagged. Katy attempts to untie him, believing that Hector and Tabitha have kept him prisoner. Shell wonders how Andras could have rung the bell if his hands were tied. Hector and Tabitha appear and show that it is they who rang the bell. They quote Dante's Inferno and explain that Hell is cold, as the text says, so the house must be kept refrigerated for Andras. They say he was possessed at age ten by Castiel, demon of mischief, but Castiel needs a new human host every fifty years, and Andras is now dying. Katy has been chosen as the next host after a mutual friend at Tabitha and Hector's church recommended her to them. It is revealed that Shell also attends the church, and she helped them to lure Katy to the house. Shell implies that the church's members protect the earth from being overrun by demons.

Tabitha and Hector prepare to inject Katy with a sedative, but she fights back, managing to taser Tabitha. She runs downstairs only to find that the door is locked. Shell catches up with her and says that Katy cannot escape. Shell says she wanted to be Castiel's new human host, but she is too weak-willed and fat, whereas Katy has the strength of character needed to keep the demon contained. Shell then injects Katy, who collapses with a frightened look. Upstairs, they strip Katy down to her school-standard white bra and classic white knickers and ties her to a chair with cable ties as well as cleave-gagging her, while Shell feeds Andras his last supper: rusks and baby milk, the only food he can manage. Hector, Tabitha and Shell leave Katy to become acquainted with Castiel, who, they say, will possess her as Andras dies. Andras suddenly gets up and advances on Katy. As she screams through her cleave gag, Andras repeatedly cries: "Mischief!"

 

[michaellevenson]

Series 2 2.1 La Couchette

9A		9D
9B		9E
9C		9F
A pictorial representation of the bunks in couchette #9, as seen from the door.

Maxwell , an English doctor, settles into bunk 9E while traveling from Paris to Bourg-Saint-Maurice. Maxwell is disturbed first by Jorg , a drunk, flatulent German who climbs into bunk 9D, then by Kath and Les, a couple en route to their daughter's wedding. Jorg is in Les's bed, but the couple climb into 9A. Shona , an Australian backpacker, enters; she places her bag on bunk 9C then leaves, and Maxwell closes the door. Kath and Les, laughing at Maxwell, begin to undress on the bed. Les wakes Jorg, but understanding is limited until Maxwell translates. Jorg switches to 9F and Les climbs into 9D.

Hours later, Shona re-enters the room with the English trustafarian Hugo. The pair sit on 9C and share a can of Carling while swapping travel stories. Hugo says he would rather stay in this carriage than in first class, and the pair begin foreplay. A face appears from 9B, and a man falls to the floor. The carriage's inhabitants wake. Maxwell confirms that the man is dead, then leaves to look for a guard. Jorg finds a family photo in the man's pocket. Maxwell returns alone, and Jorg suggests they use the emergency stop button. Les prepares to smash the glass. Hugo stops him, confessing he is ticketless, Maxwell says he has an interview with the WHO in the morning, and Les, to Kath's annoyance, confesses that he does not want to risk missing the wedding. Maxwell explains the situation to Jorg, Les and Kath argue, and Shona refuses to let Hugo back into her bunk. Maxwell gives Jorg some tablets for his constipation, after which Shona offers a eulogy. The body is placed into 9B, and Hugo climbs into the same bunk. The passengers settle, but Kath lies sleepless.

After dawn, Les accidentally wakes Maxwell, but sees that Kath is absent. The train brakes, waking everyone, and Hugo and the corpse fall to the floor. Maxwell guesses that Kath has stopped the train as Jorg stands, dropping his trousers. Maxwell next guesses that Kath has jumped in front of the train, and Les repeatedly hits him with a pillow as Jorg defecates into Kath's shoebox, which is held by Hugo. Shona sees that the train has hit a deer, and Kath re-enters.
Later, Maxwell is dressed, and Hugo enters, wearing one of Shona's T-shirts. He says that Jorg is cleaning himself. Kath and Les talk; the latter feels remorse, and Kath insists they attend the dead man's funeral, after the wedding. Shona and Hugo leave the carriage; they intend to go "exploring" together. Maxwell says his goodbyes to Kath and Les, then, alone, receives a call from his driver, who is waiting for him and Dr Meyer. Maxwell turns to the body and says he is "terribly sorry", but there can only be "one candidate". As he says Meyer's name, Jorg, now smartly dressed, answers. Jorg explains that he is Dr Meyer, and that he is traveling to the same interview. As Jorg leaves the carriage, Maxwell looks at the corpse in silence having murdered the wrong person.

 

[michaellevenson]

2.2 12 Days Of Christine
The Episode begins with the sound of Sirens and a Dog Barking. Christine arrives home to her flat with Adam , whom she has just met at a New Year's party. Thirteen months later, it is Valentine's Day and Christine chats with her flatmate Fung at home. Christine is dating Adam, but receives a card from her first boyfriend, whom she has not seen since childhood. On Mother's Day, Christine's mother Marion visits. Marion reveals that Christine's first boyfriend died when he was 16, which Christine had forgotten. Marion urges Christine to marry Adam; Christine's father Ernie has Alzheimer's disease and is deteriorating. The following year, Adam moves in with Christine at Easter. Christine begins to prepare a surprise for him, but is disturbed when an egg smashes on a nearby wall. In her kitchen, which is covered with Egg Shells on the Floor, she is approached by an unknown man, the Stranger who says "i'm sorry".

Christine, now pregnant and married, awakens startled on a May bank holiday, insisting the events were just a horrible dream, Adam and Christine struggle to build a Cot. Thirteen months later, it is Father's Day and Adam tends to their son Jack in the night. Christine hears the Stranger's voice through the Baby Monitor saying "Come on little man, let's get you out of there" and rushes into Jack's Room, seeing the Cot empty and believing that Jack has been kidnapped, she yells out to Adam, but Adam returns from another room with Jack in his arms. Christine celebrates her 30th birthday thirteen months later. Ernie no longer recognises Christine, while Adam is more interested in his colleague Zara . Marion blindfolds Christine for a game of blind man's buff, which she insists Christine has played every year on her Birthday since she was 6. Christine hears suspicious noises from behind a door and removes her blindfold to step through. Thirteen months later, Adam is packing a case for a family holiday. Ernie has died, and Christine's relationship with Adam is strained.

Now divorced from Adam, Christine films Jack as he gets ready for his first day of school. Left alone in the flat, Christine is comforted by Ernie as she cries. On Hallowe'en of the next year, Christine dresses up with her friend Bobby, a colleague at Clarks. Someone Christine assumes to be Adam enters the flat to pick up Jack. When Adam calls at the door, Christine goes to Jack's room and finds Jack in the arms of the Stranger who says "I've got him, I've got him". On Bonfire Night, Christine arrives home with Jack, who has burnt his hand on a sparkler. Marion finds that Jack is not injured, but says that Christine was burnt the same way when she was Jack's age, she then pulls her sleeve down to reveal a scar on her hand from said accident.

It is Christmas, and Christine is having dinner with Marion, Ernie, Fung, Bobby and Adam. Christine and Adam are back together. Christine unwraps her present to find an album of photos from her life, and then realizes what is happening: Christine has been dying of a recent car accident as emergency services attempt to free her, and the episode's events were her memories replaying themselves during said accident, hinted at as every time jump also had subtle ambulance sirens playing in the background. As a result of said accident, there are broken eggs from a shopping bag on the front seat and windscreen of the car. The Stranger turns out to be a man that accidentally stepped onto the road causing the crash. He explains to the police that although he rescued Jack, he could not reach Christine in time, and that he is sorry. At the dinner table, Jack enters dressed as a Nativity angel. Marion says it is time for Christine to go. Christine says a final goodbye as she passes away.

 

[michaellevenson]

2.3 The Trial Of Elizabeth Gadge
In 17th century England, the magistrate Sir Andrew Pike summons the witch-finders Mr Warren and Mr Clarke to the village of Little Happens. Seventy-year-old Elizabeth Gadge has been accused of witchcraft, and Pike is excited that the news has attracted the attention of outsiders. Pike and Warren already seem convinced of Gadge's guilt, but Clarke remains sceptical.

Elizabeth's case is brought to trial the following morning, with the assistance of the cobbler Richard Two-Shoes. Elizabeth's daughter Sarah and son-in-law Thomas Nutter testify that they have witnessed Elizabeth sucking from the teat of a furry creature, and speaking to a mouse (believed to be a demon). Elizabeth claims that Sarah and Thomas have falsely accused her, and want to be rid of her to make room in their house. George Waterhouse testifies against Elizabeth, and the accused is questioned. When others in the courtroom begin laughing at her responses, Warren declares that the next person to laugh will be executed as a witch. After an argument breaks out, the witch-finders and Pike decide that the rest of the trial should be conducted in private. Elizabeth is pricked with a needle to test her for the devil's mark. A remorseful Sarah tries to profess her mother's innocence, but Warren does not believe her. Elizabeth says that she has been prostituting herself to Two-Shoes, who wears a fur coat; Two-Shoes denies this, and the trial is adjourned. Throughout proceedings, Warren is accusatory while Clarke is more cautious; Pike, meanwhile, is fascinated both by the lewd acts in which Elizabeth has supposedly engaged and by the witch-finders' torturous implements.

Clarke privately tells Warren that he thinks Elizabeth is innocent and that he is not sure that the pair are doing God's work. Warren threatens that Clarke himself will be tried and convicted if he objects further. The trial resumes—Elizabeth having been tortured overnight—and Elizabeth's mouse, Snowflake, is released, so that it might lead them to the witch. Warren has sprinkled crumbs in front of Elizabeth. When Snowflake approaches Elizabeth, Pike declares her a witch, and sentences her to be burned. Thomas and Sarah later say goodbye to a hooded and bound Elizabeth, who awaits execution. Clarke dismisses them. He removes the hood from the figure to reveal that he has bound Warren in Elizabeth's place; Clarke believes Warren has been tainted with evil, and that the latter is no longer doing God's work. Clarke puts back the hood, and Pike enters, happy that the trial has seen a revival of trade and visitors to the village. Warren is taken away to be burnt. Clarke releases the real Elizabeth, but she reveals that she truly is a witch; she breaks Clarke's neck, killing him. There are sounds of excitement from outside as flames light Elizabeth's face. She tells Snowflake that she will go to her master, then transforms into a raven and leaves.

 

[michaellevenson]

2.4 Cold Comfort
Andy starts to volunteer at the Comfort Support Line (CSL), a crisis hotline, after the death of his sister. His supervisor George takes him through the procedure for calls, and Andy chats to the more experienced Liz. He finds his first few calls difficult, and Joanne, a volunteer who shares a mutual distaste with Liz, advises him not to get emotionally invested in the callers. Andy takes a call from Chloe, a 16-year-old girl with problems at home. Chloe says that she has taken a drug overdose, and Andy sings "Shine" by Take That to her, but, when he finishes, Chloe is no longer on the line. He immediately takes a call from an elderly woman distraught that one of her cats has died, but responds insensitively, and hangs up.

The following day, George thinks Liz is breaking the rules by taking a personal call; he gets angry and wrestles the handset from her. Later, Andy is upset that he listened to Chloe in her final moments, and Liz, who has made a complaint about George's conduct, tells him that she took a call from an ex-soldier, in tears because his mother committed suicide following the death of her cat. Andy realises that the man's mother is the caller from the previous night. George advises that Andy will not face any repercussions, and asks Andy to help Michael, new to the centre, with his first call. Chloe calls in and speaks to Michael, again claiming that she has taken an overdose. Andy snatches the phone and shouts at Chloe, hanging up on her.

Following her argument with George, Liz is asked to leave CSL, and a small party is held in the workspace. During the party, Chloe calls the helpline again, asking to speak to Andy. Andy tells Chloe that her hoax call caused an old woman's death, but Chloe says that this was Andy's fault. She repeats what Andy had said to the old woman about her cat. Andy stays late in his cubicle and goes to George's office, realising that "Chloe" must be someone who works at CSL. He accuses Joanne, who has just arrived, but she says she came back for her bag. He plans to get evidence from the CCTV footage and contact the police. Looking through CCTV footage, he and Joanne discover that it is George who made the calls. Unbeknownst to them, George is approaching the office; he hastily leaves when he sees Andy and Joanne inside.

George does not arrive for work the next day. Joanne shows in a new volunteer, Glen, who is replacing Liz. Having found out that George has made similar calls to CSL for years, Andy plans to go to the police. Andy answers the phone, and it is George. In Chloe's voice, George says that he just wanted someone to listen to him, then warns that he has told the dead woman's son where Andy works. In the background, Glen stands, and points a gun at Andy's head. He calls Andy's name, and Andy turns around to see Glen right before the credits play.

 

[michaellevenson]

2.5 Nana's Party
A paramedic is let into a house to the sounds of panic. Earlier, the fastidious Angela prepares to host a party for the 79th birthday of her mother, Maggie. Angela's daughter, Katie, heads to her room to complete her homework. When Angela moves a cake, she reveals the head of Jim, her husband. Jim plans to play a trick on Pat—a practical joker and the husband of Angela's sister, Carol (a recovering alcoholic)—by hiding under the cake. Maggie, Carol and Pat—the latter wearing a wolf mask—arrive at the house. As the three settle, Pat plugs in his mobile to charge—something Jim had asked Angela to prevent—and secretly places ice in a bucket. Carol privately drinks from a sunscreen bottle while ostensibly unblocking the toilet after her mother could not flush it. Angela is proud that the party food is from Marks's, but Carol mocks Angela's middle class affectations. Maggie wants a photograph with the food on the table, and Carol lights the cake's candles, which burn towards the flammable fake cake—under which Jim is still hiding. Katie greets her nana and aunt, with Maggie insisting that she tell the joke from Pat's card. Panicking, Angela blows out the candles. The room clears, and Jim is left frustrated.

Katie shows Maggie her tablet as the pair sit in the former's room. A visibly-drunk Carol enters and talks to Katie about the importance of having fun. Katie wants to finish her homework, but assures Carol that she would make a good mother. Downstairs, Jim persuades Angela to take up position under the table as Pat replaces the soap in the toilet. Pat joins Jim next to the table and returns a VHS; it becomes clear that Jim's apparent love for Countdown is actually a cover for his pornography habit, and Jim tries to steer the conversation away from the topic, worried that Angela will hear. Carol enters and puts on music. Pat sees Carol's sunscreen, and prepares her a drink of "Adam's ale". Carol aggressively flirts with Jim, who does not reciprocate. When Pat hands Carol water, she throws it in his face and he leaves. Carol confronts Jim about promises he made to her, and how this house should be hers, not Angela's. Jim remains terrified that Angela can hear the conversation.

Katie and Maggie enter. Maggie talks about Pat's "frozen willies"—novelty ice cubes—as a distressed Jim makes her a drink, and Carol dances with the uninterested Katie. Jim pulls Carol away from Katie, but Carol hits him; when Carol talks to Katie about becoming her stepmother, Jim shouts at her. Pat stops him, and, after Carol storms out, tells Jim that "he knows". Katie is distressed, and interrogates Jim as Maggie plunges a knife into the cake. Jim panics, believing Angela is still under the table, but Angela enters from the kitchen, and reveals that she left to buy a real cake—the story that Jim had told to cover her apparent absence. Katie wants to talk to her mother, but chaos ensues when Maggie chokes on an ice cube, which Pat reveals contains a fake spider. Carol enters, her face blackened by Pat's fake soap, and Pat, reaching for his charging phone to call the emergency services, receives an electric shock, his hands wet from the ice bucket. Angela performs the Heimlich manoeuver on her mother; Carol kneels by Pat and shouts for help. The new cake is pushed into Jim's face by Katie, who then answers the door. The paramedic enters, then begins a striptease for Maggie to the Casualty theme. His performance, it is revealed, was Pat's present to Maggie. Later, Jim talks to an oblivious Maggie. He sees Angela and Katie come down the stairs with suitcases, they're leaving him. In silence, he watches them leave as Maggie tells him the joke from Pat's birthday card.

 

[michaellevenson]

2.6 Seance Time
Tina arrives at a Victorian villa for a séance. Hives settles Tina before retrieving Talbot , who arrives shrouded in black and carrying a doll. Talbot, an elderly woman with heavy cataracts, speaks in a high-pitched voice, unnerving Tina. When the séance begins, objects fly around the room, Talbot's voice becomes demonic and ectoplasm seeps from her mouth. Hives encourages Tina not to break the circle, but she does so when a blue-faced demon appears behind her. She is terrified until Hives reveals himself to be Terry, the host of a hidden camera programme called Scaredy Cam.

Scaredy Cam production crew, including the director Gemma and the make-up artist Amanda , enter to prepare for the next prank. "Talbot" is being played by the demanding stage actress Anne, but the other crew are unable to remember the name of the extra (who they falsely believe to be a dwarf) playing "Blue Demon Dwarf". They mostly ignore him, despite his eagerness to talk about his acting experiences and his requests for a drink. Terry is irritable and impatient, unwilling to talk to Tina or Gemma about a prank with him dressed up as a gorilla. This prank led to a young boy wetting himself and a previous cancellation of Scaredy Cam. The programme is due to return on a different channel, and Terry has chosen a different prank to be announced as the winner of a "public" vote for the programme's best. The extra confronts Terry about the fact he was originally cast as "Spirit of Little Boy", but Terry does not care, and the extra is sent back into a chest to wait for the next member of the public.

Pete , a new mark, enters, but the prank does not work as well as with Tina. Among other problems, Pete swears too much and does not seem affected by the atmosphere, while cues are missed by the pranksters. Terry is surprised to hear a child's voice during Anne's performance as Madam Talbot, and, backstage, the camera stream is blurry. When "Blue Demon Dwarf" appears, Pete punches him, and the production crew rush in. The extra drifts in and out of consciousness before Gemma—having covered her face in blue paint after giving mouth-to-mouth—says he has died.
Backstage, people wait for the police and ambulance; Terry is worried about his career, Anne wants to get away for some food and Amanda is keen to retrieve props from the corpse, but Pete and Gemma show some remorse. When alone, Terry looks to the camera feed and sees the extra standing in the séance room, and, relieved, runs to see him. Facing away from Terry and speaking in a rasping voice, the figure introduces himself as "Spirit of Little Boy", and talks of a suicide after the embarrassment of wetting himself on television. After speaking to the "boy", Terry believes that he himself is on Scaredy Cam, but no one is watching from backstage. When he touches the figure, the extra collapses, but a child's voice continues to shout. A corpse-like child begins to rise from the cot used for Madam Talbot's doll. Backstage, Gemma and a police officer look for Terry. They find him in the séance room; he has wet himself, and insists that he is on Scaredy Cam. The child's face appears on the camera feed.

 

[michaellevenson]

Series 3 3.1 The Devil Of Christmas
The episode opens with a VT clock slate for a film named The Devil of Christmas. Set in December 1977, the film follows Julian, his pregnant wife Kathy, his mother Celia and his son Toby as they are shown into an Austrian Alpine chalet by Klaus. The party discuss their plans until Toby is struck by an unpleasant painting of the Krampus on the wall.

In a voiceover, the film's director Dennis Fulcher talks to another man about the making of the film, in the style of an audio commentary. The video is rewound so Dennis can comment on a continuity error. He continues to discuss the film over the remainder of the episode, including commenting on the way that "Celia" misses her marks and fluffs her lines, and the way "Julian" says his lines too quickly in his eagerness to get to another job.

Klaus tells of the Krampus, unnerving Kathy. Before bed, Toby leaves out his boots for the Krampus, and Kathy empties a bottle of tablets. The next morning, Toby's boots are filled with twigs indicating—according to Klaus's story—that he has been visited by the Krampus due to his naughtiness. Celia suspects Kathy, who is not Toby's mother, but Julian rebukes her. At dinner, Toby tells of the wonderful day he has had with Klaus. Toby heads to bed, and Kathy speculates that Toby was sleepwalking the night before, becoming agitated when Julian and Celia are unconvinced. That night, both Toby and Celia are out of bed, and the figure of the Krampus is seen. The next day, scratches are found on Toby's body, and Celia leaves with the child.

That night, Julian finds that Kathy has scratches on her back, and the pair discover that her boots are stuffed with switches. Julian later finds Kathy downstairs. Celia calls to say she and Toby are safely home, and Kathy admits that her child is not Julian's. The Krampus snatches her, and Julian keels over, clutching his heart. He needs his medication, but Kathy watches him die, holding his empty pill bottle for him to see. "The Krampus" is revealed to be Klaus in a costume, but Klaus then removes a fake moustache and drops his accent; he is Simon, Kathy's lover.

Fulcher explains that there is a final scene. The actors ready, and the scene begins: Kathy is on a bed, and pours Champagne. She is joined by Simon, still half-costumed, who chains her to the bed. Simon claims to be Krampus, and the scene ends with Kathy screaming as "Krampus" cackles. The actor playing "Krampus" leaves, with the actress playing Kathy believing the filming is over. The cameras keep rolling as plastic sheeting is put under "Kathy" by two stagehands for a scene that was not in the script. Another actor is dressed as the Krampus, and Kathy is roughly gagged by a stagehand. The new Krampus advances, armed with a machete; the older Dennis explains that "Kathy" understands what is about to happen, and that we are witnessing genuine fear. "Kathy" screams, and the tape cuts just as the machete is about to fall. Dennis says that he is surprised the tape has surfaced again, but says it was "one of the better ones"; The Devil of Christmas, unbeknownst to the main cast, was a snuff film. Dennis's interviewer then terminates the police interrogation.

 

[michaellevenson]

3.2 The Bill
Anya closes a restaurant where four men—northerners Archie, Malcolm, and Kevin are entertaining Londoner Craig—have finished a post-badminton meal. After a misunderstanding between Craig and the thickly accented Anya, Malcolm takes the bill, but he and Archie both wish to pay. Craig insists that he will pay, as he is leaving, and wealthier than the others. The three argue, Archie being unable to pay as the card machine lacks paper. Malcolm suggests that the bill should be split three ways, the northerners treating Craig, but Kevin claims to be the poorest. Archie, Malcolm, and Craig thrust cards at Anya until Kevin offers to pay. He counts cash as Anya fetches drinks. Craig thanks the others for making his trip bearable, and offers to pay, restarting the argument. The dispute becomes about Malcolm's position as badminton-club secretary, and Malcolm reveals that Archie has spent time in prison. Anya arrives with drinks, and Craig, paying the bill, speaks of craving excitement, only to have his card declined. He phones his au pair for a card, keen she not look in the wrong drawer, but Malcolm snatches the phone. He is about to pay, but Archie stops him. Archie reveals that he wanted to pay as he has an inoperable brain tumour.

A distressed Malcolm leaves the table only to return furious; Archie was lying. A heated debate ensues, and the four men wrestle over the bill until Anya tells them that the meal can be free. Malcolm insists it is not about the bill, and fetches a knife and chopping board. Archie and Malcolm are to play stabscotch, with the winner paying. Malcolm is quick but Archie is slower, repeatedly stabbing himself. Craig pulls the knife from Archie, inadvertently slashing Anya's throat. She collapses as blood splatters. Anya is dead, and Malcolm formulates a story blaming Archie, but Archie has called a prison contact who will remove the body.

The clean-up will cost £200,000; it is needed tonight, in cash, meaning only Craig can pay. He calls his au pair, but treads on Anya's hand, and she yells. Kevin declares the plan a failure; Archie, Malcolm, Kevin, and Anya had been hustling Craig. Kevin, now in control, demands Craig's phone. Craig refuses, but is locked in the restaurant. In a final scene, a waiter closes the restaurant while the hustlers ("Archie", "Malcolm", "Kevin", and "Anya") entertain the well-dressed Tim. "Archie" requests the bill, and "the waiter" is revealed to be Craig, who has joined the hustlers to satiate his cravings for excitement.

 

[michaellevenson]

3.3 The Riddle Of The Sphinx
On a stormy night, Nina lets herself in to a University of Cambridge room, where she is found by Professor Nigel Squires. He is holding a gun, but it is not loaded. Nina's boyfriend Simon is a fan of cryptic crosswords, but she is never able to help him. She has come to the rooms of Squires—a classicist who sets crosswords for Varsity as the Sphinx—to seek the answers to the next day's crossword. Squires sets about to teach Nina: "I teach wild creature without hospital building" results in ARCHITECTURE, which Simon studies. They turn to the clues for the next day, beginning to fill a large grid. Squires uses the name of the Sphinx because she would asphyxiate and consume those who failed to answer her riddle: she was, he says, "devious and deadly". Squires makes tea, as Nina looks to his trophies. A picture of Squires with his late wife draws her attention, and they discuss the cut-throat world of competitive crosswording. Nina has answered DOWNANDOUT and WRAP; Squires answers DESI and helps with TRENT. Squires asks about Simon, but catches Nina in a lie; her excuse is that she only wants to learn. Together, they deduce SWAMPLANDS, meaning "bog". Nina, though, suggests that it should be bogs, otherwise Squires would be cheating. Suddenly spluttering, Squires takes a seat, as Nina begins on the next clue. She now displays clear proficiency, answering ASPHYXIATION.
Squires drops his cup, as Nina continues to fill in the crossword, including SOWERBERRY and KNOWITALL. Squires is apparently paralysed in his chair, watching. Nina is a marine biologist, and has acquired tetrodotoxin from a pufferfish, which causes paralysis and asphyxiation. Simon was actually Nina's brother, and is visible on the photo of Squires and his wife. Simon had reached a crosswording final only to be beaten by Squires after the latter challenged that a u looked more like a v. Depressed by the defeat, Simon had killed himself. Squires, to Nina's shock, is unharmed. He leaps up to fill out NEUN and ASPS, revealing ISWAPPEDCUPS within the crossword. As Nina induces vomiting, Squires makes a phone call. He had been warned by Dr Jacob Tyler, an old friend and Nina's supervisor. Squires places Nina—for whom paralysis is setting in—on a chair, and goes back to the crossword, filling out UNDERSLIP; asking about the underwear young women wear, he slides his hand up Nina's skirt and kisses her on the mouth.

Nina is left alone until Tyler enters. He tells Nina to hang on, before turning to the crossword. With Squires, he works out MYSTERYGUEST. Tyler reveals that he has no antidote for Nina , and will not call the emergency services. Instead, he wants Squires to eat Nina, as the Sphinx would. Tyler tells Squires that he cannot call the police, as the crossword displays premeditation: the KNOWITALL received a MYSTERYGUEST at number NEUN, resulting in ASPHYXIATION. Tyler reveals PUFFERFISH, predicting, with reference to crossword answers, that a DOWN AND OUT will find Nina wrapped in her UNDERSLIP in SWAMPLANDS, incriminating Squires. This is, Tyler says, his revenge.

Tyler cuts from Nina's buttocks, frying a strip of her flesh on a stove. Squires tells of how he began an affair with Monica, Tyler's wife and mother of his twin children, destroying Tyler's career. Tyler hands Squires the flesh; he eats, fearing Nina will die. Tyler reveals that he hates cryptic crosswords, and how his son entered the Cambridge Crossword Competition, attempting to beat his mother's new husband: Squires. Squires realises that Nina is Tyler's daughter. Nina and Tyler sought revenge on Squires, but Tyler changed plans so Squires would include clues in the crossword. However, Simon's autopsy—Tyler explains—revealed that Simon and Nina were actually Squires's children, meaning Monica and Squires's relationship began earlier than he previously thought. Nina is past saving, and Tyler places a bullet on Squires's desk, reminding Squires of the principle of Chekhov's gun. Squires confirms that his middle name is Hector as he weeps over Nina, and Tyler circles something on the crossword. Nina is dead, and Squires loads the gun, placing it in his mouth. Blood splatters over the crossword. We see what Tyler circled : RIPNHS.

 

[michaellevenson]

3.4 Empty Orchestra
Greg, dressed in a sumo-themed fatsuit, enters a karaoke booth and begins singing The Human League's "Don't You Want Me". Connie, dressed as Amy Winehouse, arrives; the two kiss, but break apart when Greg's partner Fran (dressed as Britney Spears) enters. Roger arrives with his assistant Janet; Janet, who is deaf, is dressed as Boy George, and Roger, who has no outfit, puts on a clown's nose when prompted. The group are celebrating Roger's promotion and, to Greg's alarm, Roger has an envelope with a list of names. Fran begins singing Whigfield's "Saturday Night" before Duane, dressed as Michael Jackson, arrives. He has the group play "pills roulette"; each take either ecstasy, Viagra, ketamine, Paracetamol, a laxative or a Tic Tac. Roger is distracted, soon leaving for more drinks; Greg is keen to know what he has written, believing someone is being laid off.

Duane starts Wham!'s "Wham Rap!"; Janet "listens" by placing her hand on the speaker, until Greg quizzes her on lay-offs. Connie takes Duane's phone to text Janet, and Roger returns with shots, which he drinks alone. Janet's text from "Duane" asks her to sing him a song if she likes him. Watched by Janet, Connie tells Greg to make a choice between her and Fran. Roger starts Rainbow's "Since You Been Gone" and Greg conspires with Connie and Fran to acquire the envelope. Roger, having danced with Connie, is aroused, but Duane says that all the pills were Tic Tacs. Greg finally reaches the envelope, and Fran's name is circled. Roger reveals that the envelope contains divorce papers; his wife is leaving him. Fran sings "I Know Him So Well" (Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson), first to Roger and then Greg. She duets with Connie, and, hugging Fran, Greg mouths to Connie that Fran is getting sacked. Connie and Fran, the latter oblivious, sing to each other, as Roger signs his divorce papers. When the song finishes, Roger sombrely talks to Fran.

Janet sings Yazoo's "Only You" to Duane, who stops the music after Fran whispers to him. Chastising Connie, Duane says that he does not like Janet "in that way". Roger steps in; someone has to be made redundant, but it will be him, and he has recommended that Fran be promoted. A hen do arrives in the booth, and a newcomer, Chantel, begins "Titanium" (David Guetta and Sia). Watched by Janet, Connie confronts and kisses Greg; Roger meets eyes with a young woman. Connie mocks Janet, who reminds the former that she can lip read. Janet whispers to Fran, who confronts Greg and Connie; UV light reveals Connie's lipstick on Greg's mouth, and Fran tells them that they are both fired. Fran sings with Chantel, Roger dances with the young woman, and Greg and Connie argue. Duane and Janet meet eyes, and Duane places her hand on his chest; she feels his heartbeat as the two kiss.

 

[michaellevenson]

3.5 Diddle Diddle Dumpling
Spring
David, a middle class stay-at-home dad, lives with his wife Louise and daughter Sally. While out jogging, he encounters a single slip-on dress shoe. David keeps an eye on the shoe, and, by the time Louise arrives home that evening, has moved it to the dinner table. Louise drops it on the floor, though David's attention remains on it. Later, in daytime, David chastises Sally for playing with the shoe, and Louise is angry that he has hung posters advertising his find that feature their phone number.

Summer
The family celebrate Sally's birthday, while the shoe sits under a sofa. Later, Chris, a family friend, visits. He may have a job for David, but, to Louise's horror, David begins talking about his "project". Louise has binned the shoe; David is mortified, and Louise challenges him to not speak about the shoe for two minutes. He fails, and storms out to search the bin. Louise and Chris share a tender moment, but David does not notice; he is more concerned with how Chris could help him publicise his search for the shoe's owner. David's multimedia campaign and reward offer, initially unsuccessful, ultimately result in a visit from a young man who has a matching shoe. David interrogates him at length. Once satisfied by his account, and having spent a final few moments alone with the newly matched pair, he reluctantly hands it over, holding back tears.

Autumn
Sally and Louise are happy in the kitchen, when David, smartly dressed and with a confident manner, returns from work. Despite Louise's reservations, Sally performs a piece she will present in her school assembly, involving the nursery rhyme "Diddle, Diddle, Dumpling":

Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,
Went to bed with his trousers on!
One shoe off, and one shoe on,
Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John!

Despite a pained expression, David applauds, hugging his daughter.

Winter
Louise encounters the shoe outside her house. Inside, David confronts her about a photograph he has found—Louise's college friend, Ted, is the man to whom David gave the shoe. He has also found a receipt for a new set of shoes, bought by Louise shortly before Ted's visit. David accuses Louise of giving him false hope, and, in response to her exasperation, says that it was never about the shoe. David is in grief, having never recovered from the death of Sally's twin brother, Joseph, six years earlier. Like the shoes, the children were "Two halves ... and one of them's gone", though he believes that "they should be together". Louise finds blood on David's hands, but it is not his own. He had driven to Norfolk to retrieve the shoe from Ted, but does not remember what he has done. The emergency services arrive outside. David has murdered Ted.

On a cabinet is a photograph of a smiling David holding two infants. He is wearing the shoes. Over the credits, security footage from 15 March 2016 shows David placing the shoe outside his house before jogging away. He put it there all along.

 

[michaellevenson]

3.6 Private View
Neil, a nurse present to assist a visually impaired person, is pushed onto a chair with blades built-in the back of it by an unseen assailant, where he bleeds to death.

Carrie, a fame-obsessed former Big Brother contestant, exits a lift to Fragments, a retrospective exhibition of the sculptor Elliot Quinn held in an East London basement gallery. The sarcastic, tattooed Bea serves drinks. Maurice, an academic art critic arrives after, and the humourless council health-and-safety worker Kenneth Williams—who has never seen any of the Carry On films starring his namesake—and Irish dinner lady Jean follow. Patricia, a visually impaired author of erotic fiction, is the last to arrive. A projection of Elliot welcomes the guests, who have been hand-picked to attend, the reason why nobody knows.

Carrie and Maurice find Neil's body, but assume it is art. The body falls, to Carrie's horror, when she pulls Neil's lanyard. Kenneth arrives, followed by Jean and Patricia. Leaving Maurice with the body, Kenneth and Jean force the lift doors while Patricia and Carrie talk. Bea is dead in the lift, a telephone receiver in her mouth and the cord around her neck. The lift is broken, and Kenneth heads off to find a fire escape. Kenneth and Jean meet Maurice in a corridor, while Carrie and Patricia wait near the lift. Carrie collapses, having drunk from a Champagne bottle. Kenneth, Jean, and Maurice find that a gate has been chained from the outside. The three split up. Patricia finds Carrie's body; she has burns on her face. Stumbling away, Patricia hides in a cubicle. Neil's murderer enters the toilet, and is revealed to be Jean.

Kenneth finds Carrie's corpse, which is clutching pills. Maurice finds bolt cutters as Jean hurriedly washes her hands, then screams. Maurice and Kenneth come running, and Kenneth is first to arrive, with Kenneth grabbing the arm off of a nearby mannequin. Patricia is dead in the cubicle, her eyes missing. Kenneth, Jean, and Maurice rush to the chained gate. Kenneth suspects Maurice, as the pills were the latter's heart medication. As Maurice struggles with the chain, Kenneth knocks him out with the mannequin arm. Jean then suffocates Kenneth with a plastic bag.

Maurice awakens tied to a wheelchair, listening to Elliot's projection. Jean is revealed to be Elliot's mother; after Elliot's death, his body parts were donated. The recipients were to be a "living exhibition", but she believes his body parts were squandered. Neil had eaten his way into developing diabetes after a new kidney, Bea had tattooed her new skin after it was previously burned off, Carrie had drunk after a new liver, Patricia had produced pornography with her new eyes, Kenneth had smoked with his new lung, and Maurice was a "heartless critic", even with a new heart. Jean has carved out and placed the organs in jars around them, and wants Maurice's heart. She advances with an anaesthetic in a syringe as Maurice struggles in the chair, the camera cuts to black as his hand slightly slips out of its restraint.

Some time later, a journalist reports from Elliot's art exhibit, featuring organs—including a heart—in jars. It has won the Turner Prize and broken box office records. She turns to interview the artist credited for the exhibit, revealed to be Maurice. When she mentions that he's "put [his] heart into" the sculpture, Maurice replies, "Not quite."

 

[michaellevenson]

Series 4 to 6 , a brief teaser only for each episode.

Series 4

1. Zanzibar
Tuesday 2nd January 2018
Welcome to London's Hotel Zanzibar / Our varied guests have travelled from afar / Proposals, plots and prostitutes combine / It's a comedy of errors on floor nine.

2. Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room
Tuesday 9th January 2018
It's been 30 years since Northern double-act Len and Tommy last appeared on stage together, that fateful night at the Glasgow Pavilion. Then Tommy walked out on Len, and that was curtains for Cheese & Crackers. Until now - and one last gig in front of an invited audience.

3. Once Removed
Tuesday 16th January 2018
According to the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale, the three most troubling experiences in life are the death of a spouse, divorce and imprisonment. Moving house is only 32nd on the list. But anything could happen in the last 10 minutes of this episode. Or the 10 minutes before that. Or the first 10 minutes for that matter.

4. To Have And To Hold
Tuesday 23rd January 2018
Adrian spends his time photographing other couples' weddings, but his own marriage to Harriet is far from happy. Can they renew their vows, spice up their love life and make a fresh start, or have they just run out of love, trust and time?

5. And The Winner Is...
Tuesday 30th January 2018
We join the jury in their deliberations for the Television Awards, at the headquarters of the Royal Academy of Motion Picture Arts.

6. Tempting Fate
Tuesday 6th February 2018
A dead hoarder's flat, a blood-stained floor, a dead rat and a terrible, inescapable curse from beyond the grave. All in an ordinary day's work for council contractors Keith, Nick and Maz.

 

[michaellevenson]

Inside No. 9 Live - Dead Line

When Arthur finds an old mobile phone in his local graveyard, he makes the mistake of trying to contact the owner. But some mysteries are best left unsolved, and as Halloween draws near Arthur is plunged into a nightmare of his own making. It seems that no good deed can go unpunished, in this world or the next.