A compilation of scenes from the entire series.
Review Inside no.9 episode guide
- Thread starter michaellevenson
- Start date
A passionate fan off the show in this vid gives his top five, obviously loves it and I can understand why. Even though I've long since given up on anyone actually reading this thread. Oh well.
Series 5
Just finished the latest series, this was a bit of a hit and miss series IMO. Three very good episodes and three ok ones.
1. The Referee's A W***er
A football ref officiating at his last game, with two assistants of dubious ability, runs into trouble as the game , a vital relegation crunch match, descends into chaos and rioting. An unexpected twist as to why this has happened and the ref's motives .
2. Death Be Not Proud
This is an unexpected delight as Shearsmith and Pemberton's dysfunctional mother and son characters from Psychoville , Maureen and David Sowerbutts, reappear in a coda to that series popping up in this series. We left David (Pemberton) with his dead mother (Shearsmith) left in his bath being preserved by ice. What happens next.
Jemma Coleman a.k.a Clara from Dr Who also in this.
3. Love's Great Adventure
This one I struggle to get into. A family with problems at xmas do the best they can. Story told day by day as an advent calendar is opened, to mark the date of each scene, but door number 9 is skipped, what happened on December 9 ? The family's drug dealing son is the main cause for concern.
4. Misdirection
This is class. A brilliant tale of how a magician stole another guy's trick and gets his comeuppance. Years after stealing the trick from a now dead rival, and building his fame and fortune with the trick that involves levitating a chair, the thief is confronted by the dead rival's son.
5. Thinking Out Loud
This is another masterpiece. All the episodes of this series take place in a place numbered 9, hence the title of the show, but here something is wrong, as various characters talk direct to camera about their fears, lives, etc., all in different places, one in an American State Penitentiary. Can't reveal too much about this without spoilers. I learnt though about a severe psychological disorder and it effects one of the characters here. As she says herself....amazeballs.
6. The Stakeout
Two cops on a stakeout in their car in a cemetery at night. The previous partner of the senior cop died in mysterious circumstances in this graveyard. Will it happen again? Horror pastiche of mixed quality.
And here is a more in depth review of series 5.
Just finished the latest series, this was a bit of a hit and miss series IMO. Three very good episodes and three ok ones.
1. The Referee's A W***er
A football ref officiating at his last game, with two assistants of dubious ability, runs into trouble as the game , a vital relegation crunch match, descends into chaos and rioting. An unexpected twist as to why this has happened and the ref's motives .
2. Death Be Not Proud
This is an unexpected delight as Shearsmith and Pemberton's dysfunctional mother and son characters from Psychoville , Maureen and David Sowerbutts, reappear in a coda to that series popping up in this series. We left David (Pemberton) with his dead mother (Shearsmith) left in his bath being preserved by ice. What happens next.
Jemma Coleman a.k.a Clara from Dr Who also in this.
3. Love's Great Adventure
This one I struggle to get into. A family with problems at xmas do the best they can. Story told day by day as an advent calendar is opened, to mark the date of each scene, but door number 9 is skipped, what happened on December 9 ? The family's drug dealing son is the main cause for concern.
4. Misdirection
This is class. A brilliant tale of how a magician stole another guy's trick and gets his comeuppance. Years after stealing the trick from a now dead rival, and building his fame and fortune with the trick that involves levitating a chair, the thief is confronted by the dead rival's son.
5. Thinking Out Loud
This is another masterpiece. All the episodes of this series take place in a place numbered 9, hence the title of the show, but here something is wrong, as various characters talk direct to camera about their fears, lives, etc., all in different places, one in an American State Penitentiary. Can't reveal too much about this without spoilers. I learnt though about a severe psychological disorder and it effects one of the characters here. As she says herself....amazeballs.
6. The Stakeout
Two cops on a stakeout in their car in a cemetery at night. The previous partner of the senior cop died in mysterious circumstances in this graveyard. Will it happen again? Horror pastiche of mixed quality.
And here is a more in depth review of series 5.
Last edited:
So series 6 has come and gone, enjoyable on the whole, no real out and out masterpieces but a solid series with surprises.
1. Wuthering Heist
A story done in the style of Commedia Dell'arte, a storytelling style of Italy in the 16th to 18th centuries. An exaggerated comedic style similar I suppose to pantomime, where all the players wear caricature masks. The fourth wall is broken at the start when a character explains to the viewers that as this is the 6th series of inside no.9 the writers should be allowed a bit of self indulgence. A gang are planning a bank heist, which usually has the participants in masks, so a perfect subject drama for commedia Dell'arte. Plenty of laughs as the bungling gang plan the raid. More fourth wall breaking as the gang boss has to go through the plan more than once for those viewing on BBC I player.
1. Wuthering Heist
A story done in the style of Commedia Dell'arte, a storytelling style of Italy in the 16th to 18th centuries. An exaggerated comedic style similar I suppose to pantomime, where all the players wear caricature masks. The fourth wall is broken at the start when a character explains to the viewers that as this is the 6th series of inside no.9 the writers should be allowed a bit of self indulgence. A gang are planning a bank heist, which usually has the participants in masks, so a perfect subject drama for commedia Dell'arte. Plenty of laughs as the bungling gang plan the raid. More fourth wall breaking as the gang boss has to go through the plan more than once for those viewing on BBC I player.
Last edited:
2. Simon Says
A dark tale no doubt influenced in its writing by the furore at the end of Game Of Thrones, where fans didn't like the ending.
A fanatical fan of a tv show called the 9th circle, a fantasy epic, records on his mobile phone the show's creator in a scuffle outside a pub, in which a knife is drawn and the victim dies. The fan turns up at the creator's flat and threatens to show his evidence to the police unless he agrees to write another season of the 9th circle, and use the fans plot ideas. An unusual case of blackmail. A double twist at the end when it's revealed the pub scuffle wasn't all it seemed.
3. Lip Service
A man desperate to save his marriage, or at least know if it's saveable, hires a lip reader to check if his wife is having an affair. In a hotel room opposite where the wife is meeting a client as part of her job as an image consultant, the husband and lip reader are set up. The girl lip reader with binoculars and reporting to the husband what is being said. However the husband finds proof the lip reader was keeping tabs on him even before he contacted her company to hire her. Something is going on that he doesn't know about.
A dark tale no doubt influenced in its writing by the furore at the end of Game Of Thrones, where fans didn't like the ending.
A fanatical fan of a tv show called the 9th circle, a fantasy epic, records on his mobile phone the show's creator in a scuffle outside a pub, in which a knife is drawn and the victim dies. The fan turns up at the creator's flat and threatens to show his evidence to the police unless he agrees to write another season of the 9th circle, and use the fans plot ideas. An unusual case of blackmail. A double twist at the end when it's revealed the pub scuffle wasn't all it seemed.
3. Lip Service
A man desperate to save his marriage, or at least know if it's saveable, hires a lip reader to check if his wife is having an affair. In a hotel room opposite where the wife is meeting a client as part of her job as an image consultant, the husband and lip reader are set up. The girl lip reader with binoculars and reporting to the husband what is being said. However the husband finds proof the lip reader was keeping tabs on him even before he contacted her company to hire her. Something is going on that he doesn't know about.
4. Hurry Up And Wait
20 years previous in a small close knit English community baby Ryan went missing, taken from his pram, never seen again, presumed dead. Now a tv drama is being made recreating those events trying to uncover what could have happened to Ryan. A family living in a mobile home have for a fee allowed their home to be used as a green room, where the actors rest until they're needed for that day's filming. The actor playing a policeman stays for a few hours with the family and begins to suspect the family and their odd daughter may have had something to do with the disappearance. The daughter in her twenties still carries a dolly around with her, and uses hair removal cream on her face....odd.
5. How Do You Plead
A dying man receives palliative care from a team of nurses, one of them a male nurse confides to the patient that he is motivated to care for people because of a school incident many years ago, when he witnessed a boy choking to death on a tangerine and couldn't help. The patient a former top defence barrister confesses that he made his name and fame by a con. He got a murderer off by producing a photo clearing his client, but the photo was a fake and he knew it. But he will soon pay the ultimate price, he made a pact to get the photo and propel him to fame and money, and at midnight he must give up his soul to.....the devil!! A twist when we find out the tangerine incident wasn't exactly as the nurse said it was.
20 years previous in a small close knit English community baby Ryan went missing, taken from his pram, never seen again, presumed dead. Now a tv drama is being made recreating those events trying to uncover what could have happened to Ryan. A family living in a mobile home have for a fee allowed their home to be used as a green room, where the actors rest until they're needed for that day's filming. The actor playing a policeman stays for a few hours with the family and begins to suspect the family and their odd daughter may have had something to do with the disappearance. The daughter in her twenties still carries a dolly around with her, and uses hair removal cream on her face....odd.
5. How Do You Plead
A dying man receives palliative care from a team of nurses, one of them a male nurse confides to the patient that he is motivated to care for people because of a school incident many years ago, when he witnessed a boy choking to death on a tangerine and couldn't help. The patient a former top defence barrister confesses that he made his name and fame by a con. He got a murderer off by producing a photo clearing his client, but the photo was a fake and he knew it. But he will soon pay the ultimate price, he made a pact to get the photo and propel him to fame and money, and at midnight he must give up his soul to.....the devil!! A twist when we find out the tangerine incident wasn't exactly as the nurse said it was.
6. Last Night Of The Proms
A somewhat disappointing end to series 6, as a family watch the last night of the Proms. Two sisters, their husbands, their alzheimer's affected father and a teenage son all watch the tv broadcast of the classical music proms, and family secrets better left unsaid are revealed. An Arabic looking man, possibly an illegal immigrant enters the house, and strange things happen. Food in the kitchen all eaten gets miraculously replenished, the water the son is drinking makes him drunk, and the stranger has blood in the palms of his hands from wounds. So, water into wine, food miraculously appearing, and a bearded Arabic man with wounded hands.....all points to...it couldn't be could it?
A somewhat disappointing end to series 6, as a family watch the last night of the Proms. Two sisters, their husbands, their alzheimer's affected father and a teenage son all watch the tv broadcast of the classical music proms, and family secrets better left unsaid are revealed. An Arabic looking man, possibly an illegal immigrant enters the house, and strange things happen. Food in the kitchen all eaten gets miraculously replenished, the water the son is drinking makes him drunk, and the stranger has blood in the palms of his hands from wounds. So, water into wine, food miraculously appearing, and a bearded Arabic man with wounded hands.....all points to...it couldn't be could it?
As I said above Simon Says is an oblique take on the Game Of Thrones disquiet at its denouement. Here is a good in depth review of the Inside no. 9 episode about a fan of cult series The Ninth Circle blackmailing the writer to do more of his favourite show.
WARNING, SPOILERS AHEAD
For SERIES 7 I will be covering it in greater depth , deservedly so as IMO it's the best....so far.
S7 EI MERRILY MERRILY
Laurence has organised an afternoon on a pedalo with former college chums, Darren and Callum. Joining them uninvited is Donna, Darren's latest girl friend.
As they pedal out to the centre of the lake a hooded figure watching them from an island on the lake centre.
As they reminisce about happier times it's obvious that life hasn't really worked out for any of them. Laurence is still at the same college, now teaching the exact same course he graduated in, Darren reveals he got thrown out of college because of dyslexia, and Callum wanted kids, but his only " girls" are his pet dogs. Donna quips that her life is going OK, probably because
" I didn't go to f******college "
The pedalo becomes stranded in the middle of the lake caught up in weeds, and as darkness falls Laurence reveals why they're really here. His wife Bonnie recently died, and he has her ashes in a leather holdall. He wanted his mates here because they were with him when he first met Bonnie and attended their wedding and now he's going to scatter her ashes. Suddenly Laurence jumps into the water with the holdall and swims to the island.
Later on the island Laurence has created a shrine to Bonnie, including candles and a photo of her. Back on the pedalo the other three are still stranded when Callum opens Laurence's sports bag to reveal an empty packaging from a product called "Ashes To Flashes- Funeral Fireworks "
The sky is lit up by Fireworks, Laurence has mixed Bonnie's ashes with the fireworks. After , he lays down at the shrine , the cold biting into him , as he prepares to die.
The next morning Laurence finds himself in a rowing boat, the hooded man , face concealed, but he has a deep voice and a beard, is rowing him to shore.
Laurence asks where his mates are, the hooded figure replies, " they're safe , on the other side."
At the shore the hooded man extends his hand for payment, Laurence starts choking but then coughs up a gold coin to pay the Ferryman. On the shore he smiles as Bonnie greets him.
For SERIES 7 I will be covering it in greater depth , deservedly so as IMO it's the best....so far.
S7 EI MERRILY MERRILY
Laurence has organised an afternoon on a pedalo with former college chums, Darren and Callum. Joining them uninvited is Donna, Darren's latest girl friend.
As they pedal out to the centre of the lake a hooded figure watching them from an island on the lake centre.
As they reminisce about happier times it's obvious that life hasn't really worked out for any of them. Laurence is still at the same college, now teaching the exact same course he graduated in, Darren reveals he got thrown out of college because of dyslexia, and Callum wanted kids, but his only " girls" are his pet dogs. Donna quips that her life is going OK, probably because
" I didn't go to f******college "
The pedalo becomes stranded in the middle of the lake caught up in weeds, and as darkness falls Laurence reveals why they're really here. His wife Bonnie recently died, and he has her ashes in a leather holdall. He wanted his mates here because they were with him when he first met Bonnie and attended their wedding and now he's going to scatter her ashes. Suddenly Laurence jumps into the water with the holdall and swims to the island.
Later on the island Laurence has created a shrine to Bonnie, including candles and a photo of her. Back on the pedalo the other three are still stranded when Callum opens Laurence's sports bag to reveal an empty packaging from a product called "Ashes To Flashes- Funeral Fireworks "
The sky is lit up by Fireworks, Laurence has mixed Bonnie's ashes with the fireworks. After , he lays down at the shrine , the cold biting into him , as he prepares to die.
The next morning Laurence finds himself in a rowing boat, the hooded man , face concealed, but he has a deep voice and a beard, is rowing him to shore.
Laurence asks where his mates are, the hooded figure replies, " they're safe , on the other side."
At the shore the hooded man extends his hand for payment, Laurence starts choking but then coughs up a gold coin to pay the Ferryman. On the shore he smiles as Bonnie greets him.
S7 E2 MR KING
Alan Curtis arrives at a school in Wales to take up a teaching position, teaching 10 year olds. The headmaster Mr Edwards introduces him to the class and the kids are a moody lot, pining for previous teacher Mr King, who has sent the kids a postcard from his new home in Australia. Edwards gets one of the kids Ceri to read the card out in class.
The days go by and Alan is surprised the kids know nothing of global warming or climate change and Alan feels pressure as the kids constantly refer to Mr King and how wonderful he was.
Then trouble, Ceri a little girl accuses him of talking about Michael Jackson and playing with boys bottoms. The head Mr Edwards has a chat in the classroom after school and confirms the allegation made and Ceri has drawn a picture of Alan's penis that she claims he showed her.
Mr Edwards asks Alan if he can see his todger and compare it to the drawing, or he'll get the police involved. Alan reluctantly agrees and lowers his pants while Edwards takes a polaroid picture with an old camera. This fits in with the school generally, being behind the times, Edwards calls Emails, Bmails. Strangely the cleaning lady Winnie saw Edwards taking the picture of Alan's penis and thinks nothing of it.
Alan suspects something sinister is going on as Ceri was lying but why is the question.
He borrows the keys to Edwards office from Winnie and enters Edwards office unseen. In a filing cabinet he sees a folder marked Mr King, inside are photos of previous teacher's penises, and the postcard Ceri read out from Mr King was posted in Cardiff not Australia. Also the staffing records show no Mr King has ever taught in the school.
Alan gets on the phone to Edwards and accuses him of covering up sexual abuse in the school. Edwards is in the school grounds and says he'll meet him for a talk.
In the classroom the kids want to show Alan their rehearsal for a forthcoming assembly ' play' about the environment.
Alan sits on his chair as the kids begin the play , the lines all about green issues and recycling. Alan is pleased, but when he tries to stand his arms are stuck to the chair with superglue. The kids play turns disturbing, about sacrifice to appease the gods of nature.
The kids then superglue Alan lips together as Edwards comes in, urging the kids to carry on. He tells the terrified Alan that the school has been sacrificing to nature for years and he is to be the new Mr King. Edwards takes out a corn dolly and slips it into Alan's pants over his penis which Edwards says is wonderfully sheathed ( not circumcised) as nature intended. The kids don pagan masks and Winnie enters with a barleycorn mask that she places on Alan's head, he is the new corn king and Winnie says he'll ensure a wonderful crop of leeks at the harvest. The kids carry Alan's chair out as tambourines are played and flutes too. As the procession moves out we see a kid's painting on the wall, a dismembered head hanging from a tree branch, dripping blood.
A very dark tale indeed, but not really original, yep, The Wicker Man gets the Inside Number 9 treatment, but enjoyable.
Alan Curtis arrives at a school in Wales to take up a teaching position, teaching 10 year olds. The headmaster Mr Edwards introduces him to the class and the kids are a moody lot, pining for previous teacher Mr King, who has sent the kids a postcard from his new home in Australia. Edwards gets one of the kids Ceri to read the card out in class.
The days go by and Alan is surprised the kids know nothing of global warming or climate change and Alan feels pressure as the kids constantly refer to Mr King and how wonderful he was.
Then trouble, Ceri a little girl accuses him of talking about Michael Jackson and playing with boys bottoms. The head Mr Edwards has a chat in the classroom after school and confirms the allegation made and Ceri has drawn a picture of Alan's penis that she claims he showed her.
Mr Edwards asks Alan if he can see his todger and compare it to the drawing, or he'll get the police involved. Alan reluctantly agrees and lowers his pants while Edwards takes a polaroid picture with an old camera. This fits in with the school generally, being behind the times, Edwards calls Emails, Bmails. Strangely the cleaning lady Winnie saw Edwards taking the picture of Alan's penis and thinks nothing of it.
Alan suspects something sinister is going on as Ceri was lying but why is the question.
He borrows the keys to Edwards office from Winnie and enters Edwards office unseen. In a filing cabinet he sees a folder marked Mr King, inside are photos of previous teacher's penises, and the postcard Ceri read out from Mr King was posted in Cardiff not Australia. Also the staffing records show no Mr King has ever taught in the school.
Alan gets on the phone to Edwards and accuses him of covering up sexual abuse in the school. Edwards is in the school grounds and says he'll meet him for a talk.
In the classroom the kids want to show Alan their rehearsal for a forthcoming assembly ' play' about the environment.
Alan sits on his chair as the kids begin the play , the lines all about green issues and recycling. Alan is pleased, but when he tries to stand his arms are stuck to the chair with superglue. The kids play turns disturbing, about sacrifice to appease the gods of nature.
The kids then superglue Alan lips together as Edwards comes in, urging the kids to carry on. He tells the terrified Alan that the school has been sacrificing to nature for years and he is to be the new Mr King. Edwards takes out a corn dolly and slips it into Alan's pants over his penis which Edwards says is wonderfully sheathed ( not circumcised) as nature intended. The kids don pagan masks and Winnie enters with a barleycorn mask that she places on Alan's head, he is the new corn king and Winnie says he'll ensure a wonderful crop of leeks at the harvest. The kids carry Alan's chair out as tambourines are played and flutes too. As the procession moves out we see a kid's painting on the wall, a dismembered head hanging from a tree branch, dripping blood.
A very dark tale indeed, but not really original, yep, The Wicker Man gets the Inside Number 9 treatment, but enjoyable.
ALERT SERIES 7 REVIEWS WITH SPOILERS
S7 E3 NINE LIVES KAT
How an earth does one describe this episode, with difficulty that's how.
Kat, short for Katerina is a copper with the nickname '9 lives' is investigating a child's disappearance. But she's been removed from the case, she's an alcoholic, using vodka to wet her breakfast cereal instead of milk. She's assisted by a copper Ezra Jones, keeps turning up at her house with news of the search for the boy.
Then Kat awakes......was it a dream?
In her bed is copper Barnabus Bull ,nothing sexual going on, they both got drunk and crashed out the night before. Bull is her partner on the case. In the kitchen Kat has her usual Vodka and cereal as the case is further discussed. When Jones here again helps Bull make tea in the kitchen this leaves Kat free to rifle through Jones jacket and in a wallet finds a photo of Jones with the missing boy.
Kat confronts Jones, and wants to know why he keeps turning up in her house when she never gave him a key. Jones says it's not actually her house, he says he's tried so hard with Kat but it's not working out ,her character is not shaping up. He's an author and Kat is fictional, a drunken copper with issues and an odd police partner in Barnabus Bull. Kat wants to know why Jones has a photo of the missing boy. Jones just used his son in this story to help him create the character. Jones tests his characters believability by making them real inside his head and playing out scenes in his imagination, but Kat is a failure and the notes on her creation must be placed in storage in the bottom drawer of his writing desk.
Kat insists she's real with a daughter asleep upstairs, Jones asks Kat what her daughter's name is, Kat can't answer, Jones says that's because he didn't give her one, the child was a last minute character tossed in to make Kat more interesting, but it hasn't worked out.
Bull is apparently a better bet, he can envisage a series of books with him as lead character.
Barnabus Bull, in the kitchen too, but er...fictional suggests titles such as Red Rag To A Bull, Bullseye, Kat chimes in with " Bullsh*t." Jones closes a folder of notes on his character Kat and tosses it in the drawer.
And Ezra Jones awakes......what a strange dream!!
Jones is now an award winning author, his Bull detective books have won him awards a-plenty. He lives with his wife in a beautiful home, but trouble as his wife wants to know where their son is, why didn't Ezra pick him up from school. Ezra shows her his phone and a text from her saying not to pick him up as she'll do it. But the wife says she lost her mobile and didn't send the text. Someone has kidnapped their son. Days go by no news is heard, Matilda Gordon police liaison officer comforts them.
Next day Ezra wakes, goes downstairs and finds Matilda Gordon dead on the settee throat cut.
In the kitchen is the fictional Kat who's just come back to see how the story ends..
Kat taking revenge for being dumped by Ezra for being a character he no longer wants to keep. Kat has the wife's lost mobile that she says Ezra had all along, and is framing Ezra for the kidnapping and Matilda Gordon's death. She opens the larder door and the dead Bull falls out. Jones is confused and says " I didn't write any of this." The wife turns up in the kitchen and she and Kat embrace in a long lesbian kiss. Jones asks Kat what she wants, she replies that she wants to solve the case, beat alcoholism and toss her police badge in the river. Jones agrees, blackmailed by his own characters! The wife chips in with, " erm am I still a lesbian?"
Bull gets up from the floor asking if he's still supposed to be dead.
A woman cries out shouting at everyone to shut up.
In the study is Matilda Gordon alive at her computer stating that this ending is ridiculous and trite and unbelievable, as an author she just can't do endings. This project started off as a good idea, an author Ezra Jones haunted by his own characters but has turned into a sub standard Stephen King. Ezra Jones insists he's real, an award winning author, but Matilda says " sorry darling but you're really not"
Jones grabs one of his books, but on opening it sees all the pages are blank.
Matilda says sorry Ezra, but into the bottom drawer you go. Matilda gets her folder notes about her character Ezra Jones and throws them in the drawer, to which Jones can only say, " oh sh*t."
S7 E3 NINE LIVES KAT
How an earth does one describe this episode, with difficulty that's how.
Kat, short for Katerina is a copper with the nickname '9 lives' is investigating a child's disappearance. But she's been removed from the case, she's an alcoholic, using vodka to wet her breakfast cereal instead of milk. She's assisted by a copper Ezra Jones, keeps turning up at her house with news of the search for the boy.
Then Kat awakes......was it a dream?
In her bed is copper Barnabus Bull ,nothing sexual going on, they both got drunk and crashed out the night before. Bull is her partner on the case. In the kitchen Kat has her usual Vodka and cereal as the case is further discussed. When Jones here again helps Bull make tea in the kitchen this leaves Kat free to rifle through Jones jacket and in a wallet finds a photo of Jones with the missing boy.
Kat confronts Jones, and wants to know why he keeps turning up in her house when she never gave him a key. Jones says it's not actually her house, he says he's tried so hard with Kat but it's not working out ,her character is not shaping up. He's an author and Kat is fictional, a drunken copper with issues and an odd police partner in Barnabus Bull. Kat wants to know why Jones has a photo of the missing boy. Jones just used his son in this story to help him create the character. Jones tests his characters believability by making them real inside his head and playing out scenes in his imagination, but Kat is a failure and the notes on her creation must be placed in storage in the bottom drawer of his writing desk.
Kat insists she's real with a daughter asleep upstairs, Jones asks Kat what her daughter's name is, Kat can't answer, Jones says that's because he didn't give her one, the child was a last minute character tossed in to make Kat more interesting, but it hasn't worked out.
Bull is apparently a better bet, he can envisage a series of books with him as lead character.
Barnabus Bull, in the kitchen too, but er...fictional suggests titles such as Red Rag To A Bull, Bullseye, Kat chimes in with " Bullsh*t." Jones closes a folder of notes on his character Kat and tosses it in the drawer.
And Ezra Jones awakes......what a strange dream!!
Jones is now an award winning author, his Bull detective books have won him awards a-plenty. He lives with his wife in a beautiful home, but trouble as his wife wants to know where their son is, why didn't Ezra pick him up from school. Ezra shows her his phone and a text from her saying not to pick him up as she'll do it. But the wife says she lost her mobile and didn't send the text. Someone has kidnapped their son. Days go by no news is heard, Matilda Gordon police liaison officer comforts them.
Next day Ezra wakes, goes downstairs and finds Matilda Gordon dead on the settee throat cut.
In the kitchen is the fictional Kat who's just come back to see how the story ends..
Kat taking revenge for being dumped by Ezra for being a character he no longer wants to keep. Kat has the wife's lost mobile that she says Ezra had all along, and is framing Ezra for the kidnapping and Matilda Gordon's death. She opens the larder door and the dead Bull falls out. Jones is confused and says " I didn't write any of this." The wife turns up in the kitchen and she and Kat embrace in a long lesbian kiss. Jones asks Kat what she wants, she replies that she wants to solve the case, beat alcoholism and toss her police badge in the river. Jones agrees, blackmailed by his own characters! The wife chips in with, " erm am I still a lesbian?"
Bull gets up from the floor asking if he's still supposed to be dead.
A woman cries out shouting at everyone to shut up.
In the study is Matilda Gordon alive at her computer stating that this ending is ridiculous and trite and unbelievable, as an author she just can't do endings. This project started off as a good idea, an author Ezra Jones haunted by his own characters but has turned into a sub standard Stephen King. Ezra Jones insists he's real, an award winning author, but Matilda says " sorry darling but you're really not"
Jones grabs one of his books, but on opening it sees all the pages are blank.
Matilda says sorry Ezra, but into the bottom drawer you go. Matilda gets her folder notes about her character Ezra Jones and throws them in the drawer, to which Jones can only say, " oh sh*t."
S7 E4 KID|NAP
A split screen is used during most of this tale involving kidnapping, hence the split title.
Lara is the wife of hedge fund manager Dom and is kidnapped from her home by Shane , a bungling ex army man posing as the postman.
Using Chloroform Lara is knocked out and Shane takes her to a bungalow and she awakes tied to a chair.
Shane phones Dom at his office and using a hand held voice distorter demands Dom in person comes to the cottage and transfer over 1 million pounds into an account.
Shane is just a hired hand, hired by Clifford who comes to the bungalow to take charge.
Dom has called the police in and Clifford phones him and threatens to cut off Lara's ears and send them to him to show he means business. Shane is sent out by Clifford to get some food, and when Clifford and Lara are alone the twist is revealed.
Clifford and Lara are in cahoots, the kidnap is a fake, they are lovers, squeezing husband Dom out of cash because he won't give her a divorce.
Unexpectedly early Shane returns to see Lara free, after Clifford untied her, so to keep up the pretense Lara grabs a knife and puts it to Clifford's throat to make out she's escaped capture. But Immediately she surrenders and keeping the illusion for Shane Clifford ties her up again.
Shane has drawn his gun and is reluctant to put it away when Clifford asks him to. It is clear that Clifford and Lara's plan was to keep Shane out of the loop and not even pay him. Clifford tries to grab the gun off Shane but unfortunately it goes off, and Clifford dies.
Shane remorseful is now intent on carrying out the plan, starting with removing Lara's earrings and lobes. Lara pleads with Shane telling him it was all fake.
Dom surrounded by police receives a package containing earrings and purportedly Lara's ear lobes. On police advice he is going to the bungalow to transfer the money, but he'll have a bullet proof vest on and a wiretap device and helmet on for protection.
Arriving at the bungalow Dom enters nervously as the SWAT team armed wait outside. Inside Lara tied to the chair, a bloodstained scarf around her head covering her ears is terrified as Dom gets online and transfers the cash. But it's a trap, Lara leaps up, Shane uses the chloroform on Dom, then undresses him.
Lara uses the voice distorter knowing the police are listening to trick the police into thinking she and Dom have overpowered Shane, and can escape.
Shane posing as Dom and Lara emerge from the bungalow and head for the getaway car provided by the police as part of the deal they made with Shane.
The police think it's Dom in the car driving Lara to safety, they enter the bungalow and find a bemused Dom awakening from the chloroform and also find the dead Clifford and wonder what the hell has happened.
Clifford's earlobes have been sliced off and they realise they've been duped.
Lara and Shane drive off to a waiting plane and off to a new life.
We presume Lara just as Shane was going to cut her ears off made a deal with him. Whether she'll betray him we'll never know.
A split screen is used during most of this tale involving kidnapping, hence the split title.
Lara is the wife of hedge fund manager Dom and is kidnapped from her home by Shane , a bungling ex army man posing as the postman.
Using Chloroform Lara is knocked out and Shane takes her to a bungalow and she awakes tied to a chair.
Shane phones Dom at his office and using a hand held voice distorter demands Dom in person comes to the cottage and transfer over 1 million pounds into an account.
Shane is just a hired hand, hired by Clifford who comes to the bungalow to take charge.
Dom has called the police in and Clifford phones him and threatens to cut off Lara's ears and send them to him to show he means business. Shane is sent out by Clifford to get some food, and when Clifford and Lara are alone the twist is revealed.
Clifford and Lara are in cahoots, the kidnap is a fake, they are lovers, squeezing husband Dom out of cash because he won't give her a divorce.
Unexpectedly early Shane returns to see Lara free, after Clifford untied her, so to keep up the pretense Lara grabs a knife and puts it to Clifford's throat to make out she's escaped capture. But Immediately she surrenders and keeping the illusion for Shane Clifford ties her up again.
Shane has drawn his gun and is reluctant to put it away when Clifford asks him to. It is clear that Clifford and Lara's plan was to keep Shane out of the loop and not even pay him. Clifford tries to grab the gun off Shane but unfortunately it goes off, and Clifford dies.
Shane remorseful is now intent on carrying out the plan, starting with removing Lara's earrings and lobes. Lara pleads with Shane telling him it was all fake.
Dom surrounded by police receives a package containing earrings and purportedly Lara's ear lobes. On police advice he is going to the bungalow to transfer the money, but he'll have a bullet proof vest on and a wiretap device and helmet on for protection.
Arriving at the bungalow Dom enters nervously as the SWAT team armed wait outside. Inside Lara tied to the chair, a bloodstained scarf around her head covering her ears is terrified as Dom gets online and transfers the cash. But it's a trap, Lara leaps up, Shane uses the chloroform on Dom, then undresses him.
Lara uses the voice distorter knowing the police are listening to trick the police into thinking she and Dom have overpowered Shane, and can escape.
Shane posing as Dom and Lara emerge from the bungalow and head for the getaway car provided by the police as part of the deal they made with Shane.
The police think it's Dom in the car driving Lara to safety, they enter the bungalow and find a bemused Dom awakening from the chloroform and also find the dead Clifford and wonder what the hell has happened.
Clifford's earlobes have been sliced off and they realise they've been duped.
Lara and Shane drive off to a waiting plane and off to a new life.
We presume Lara just as Shane was going to cut her ears off made a deal with him. Whether she'll betray him we'll never know.
Last two episodes of series 7 are my personal top two episodes of the whole show. In second place;
S7 E5 A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS
This episode has a staggering twist and surely no one could forsee this, but some clever clogs on YouTube claim they did.
Zach is a surly bad tempered teenager studying physics at college hopefully to go on to University. He lives with his mother after his father has left home and set up with a new partner in Singapore. This makes Zach incredibly vicious and aggressive to his mum Helen, who is a bit sad and desperately wants companionship. Zach has no intention to be his mum's surrogate pal.
They constantly bicker and after another shouting match Zach goes to his bedroom and on his laptop gets on with his physics course work. Suddenly something is heard banging the window of his bedroom and it appears a sparrow has flown into the glass and lays stunned on the grass.
The front doorbell rings and a man is there , he has picked up the bird and wants to bring it into the house to recuperate. Helen desperate for company says yes and the man enters gently holding the bird.
By cutting up a cereal box Helen makes a little cot for the bird and places it on the kitchen floor. The man places the bird in the box and introduces himself as Bob Bliss.
After a while the bird recovers and flies about the kitchen, Helen releases it.
Zach is introduced to Bob and when Helen reveals Zach is studying physics Bob reveals he is a physicist and studied at the Uni that Zach is aiming for. Another argument ensues when Helen suggests Zach needs extra tutoring and Bob agrees to come round and give Zach extra lessons.
Things go well, Zach makes progress and Helen finds Bob charming company.
Interspersed with these scenes we have seen a couple of times a Dr Brann making school videos on the subject of physics, he makes videos used as teaching aids.
Meanwhile Bob sets Zach a problem, using physics can he predict who will win a horse race, using data such as jockey weights, ground density, horse bio data etc.
Helen receives a phone call that she's been dreading, from a hospital with results of her scan, she has to go to the hospital to get the results. Before she leaves she notices the cereal box is still on the kitchen floor.
She picks it up and notices the barcode on the box, the number of the barcode is 55179909, when read upside down reads Bob Bliss. Bob is a phoney, that isn't his name, but who is he?
Zach returns home with news that the horse he predicted to win has won and Bob is coming over with £2000, half he'll give to Zach. Helen forbids him to take it, and doesn't want Bob in the house again, saying that he's a weirdo who rescued a bird and they know nothing about him.
Zach is furious and threatens to run off to Singapore to take up his father's offer of a paid for place at Uni out there. Helen in tears tells him to go then and Zach promises he will.
Helen leaves to get her scan results, and Bob turns up at the house, Zach does what Helen asks and refuses the money and storms up to his bedroom. Bob follows him up and reveals something incredible.
Helen returns and she has a pamphlet with her ," Living With Terminal Illness ", she is dying.
In Zach's bedroom Bob reveals Zach's theories about black holes is right and in the future he will succeed in creating a mini black hole in a laboratory and be world famous as a quantum leaper.
Zach thinks Bob is mad, until Bob shows him a tattoo on his arm, the same as Zach's. BOB IS A FUTURE ZACH, quantum leaped into the past to tell Zach to be kind to his mother as she's dying. He tells Zach that he did go to Singapore, Helen died and he has had to live with the guilt of how badly he treated his mum, never having the chance to say he loved her.
Older Zach asks Zach to tell Helen how much he loves her. Older Zach gets a gun out and blows his brains out. Helen runs in and Zach and Helen make peace.
Forward 50 YEARS.
Zach in the year 2072 has just attended the tasteful funeral service of his mum Helen who lived to 92. In this timeline Older Zach going back to visit his younger self and telling him the truth meant Zach studied Chemistry not physics, he created an anti cancer vaccine and Helen lived.
Dr Brann, the guy making school physics videos enters and pulls a gun on Zach, revealing he has received a video message on his phone from a version of himself from a redundant time line. In the original timeline, Brann and Zach created a black hole/ wormhole in the laboratory and sent a sparrow into it, and were world famous as Quantum leap technology creators, but Zach altering the timeline to save his mother meant Dr Brann ended up doing the s*** job he has now. Brann wants to reverse the timeline shift. Zach says that'll mean Helen will die. Brann is sympathetic but he doesn't want to be collateral damage for saving Helen's life. The two of them struggle over the gun. How does it end, does Brann succeed in undoing Zach's altering of the timeline?
Last scene: Young Zach is in his bedroom when a sparrow flies into the window. The sparrow lies on the grass.....no one picks it up.....the sparrow dies.
S7 E5 A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS
This episode has a staggering twist and surely no one could forsee this, but some clever clogs on YouTube claim they did.
Zach is a surly bad tempered teenager studying physics at college hopefully to go on to University. He lives with his mother after his father has left home and set up with a new partner in Singapore. This makes Zach incredibly vicious and aggressive to his mum Helen, who is a bit sad and desperately wants companionship. Zach has no intention to be his mum's surrogate pal.
They constantly bicker and after another shouting match Zach goes to his bedroom and on his laptop gets on with his physics course work. Suddenly something is heard banging the window of his bedroom and it appears a sparrow has flown into the glass and lays stunned on the grass.
The front doorbell rings and a man is there , he has picked up the bird and wants to bring it into the house to recuperate. Helen desperate for company says yes and the man enters gently holding the bird.
By cutting up a cereal box Helen makes a little cot for the bird and places it on the kitchen floor. The man places the bird in the box and introduces himself as Bob Bliss.
After a while the bird recovers and flies about the kitchen, Helen releases it.
Zach is introduced to Bob and when Helen reveals Zach is studying physics Bob reveals he is a physicist and studied at the Uni that Zach is aiming for. Another argument ensues when Helen suggests Zach needs extra tutoring and Bob agrees to come round and give Zach extra lessons.
Things go well, Zach makes progress and Helen finds Bob charming company.
Interspersed with these scenes we have seen a couple of times a Dr Brann making school videos on the subject of physics, he makes videos used as teaching aids.
Meanwhile Bob sets Zach a problem, using physics can he predict who will win a horse race, using data such as jockey weights, ground density, horse bio data etc.
Helen receives a phone call that she's been dreading, from a hospital with results of her scan, she has to go to the hospital to get the results. Before she leaves she notices the cereal box is still on the kitchen floor.
She picks it up and notices the barcode on the box, the number of the barcode is 55179909, when read upside down reads Bob Bliss. Bob is a phoney, that isn't his name, but who is he?
Zach returns home with news that the horse he predicted to win has won and Bob is coming over with £2000, half he'll give to Zach. Helen forbids him to take it, and doesn't want Bob in the house again, saying that he's a weirdo who rescued a bird and they know nothing about him.
Zach is furious and threatens to run off to Singapore to take up his father's offer of a paid for place at Uni out there. Helen in tears tells him to go then and Zach promises he will.
Helen leaves to get her scan results, and Bob turns up at the house, Zach does what Helen asks and refuses the money and storms up to his bedroom. Bob follows him up and reveals something incredible.
Helen returns and she has a pamphlet with her ," Living With Terminal Illness ", she is dying.
In Zach's bedroom Bob reveals Zach's theories about black holes is right and in the future he will succeed in creating a mini black hole in a laboratory and be world famous as a quantum leaper.
Zach thinks Bob is mad, until Bob shows him a tattoo on his arm, the same as Zach's. BOB IS A FUTURE ZACH, quantum leaped into the past to tell Zach to be kind to his mother as she's dying. He tells Zach that he did go to Singapore, Helen died and he has had to live with the guilt of how badly he treated his mum, never having the chance to say he loved her.
Older Zach asks Zach to tell Helen how much he loves her. Older Zach gets a gun out and blows his brains out. Helen runs in and Zach and Helen make peace.
Forward 50 YEARS.
Zach in the year 2072 has just attended the tasteful funeral service of his mum Helen who lived to 92. In this timeline Older Zach going back to visit his younger self and telling him the truth meant Zach studied Chemistry not physics, he created an anti cancer vaccine and Helen lived.
Dr Brann, the guy making school physics videos enters and pulls a gun on Zach, revealing he has received a video message on his phone from a version of himself from a redundant time line. In the original timeline, Brann and Zach created a black hole/ wormhole in the laboratory and sent a sparrow into it, and were world famous as Quantum leap technology creators, but Zach altering the timeline to save his mother meant Dr Brann ended up doing the s*** job he has now. Brann wants to reverse the timeline shift. Zach says that'll mean Helen will die. Brann is sympathetic but he doesn't want to be collateral damage for saving Helen's life. The two of them struggle over the gun. How does it end, does Brann succeed in undoing Zach's altering of the timeline?
Last scene: Young Zach is in his bedroom when a sparrow flies into the window. The sparrow lies on the grass.....no one picks it up.....the sparrow dies.
IN FIRST PLACE, MY FAVOURITE EPISODE OF THE SERIES AS A WHOLE.
S7 E6 WISE OWL
Ronnie, in his 40's is clearly disturbed as the story starts. He gets into a bath fully clothed and is about to put an electric current into the water when the doorbell rings. A neighbour has brought round a dead rabbit, his daughter's pet, and wants Ronnie to stuff it, as he is a taxidermist.
Animated Scene
A 1970s public information film; two children, brother and sister playing with a kite which gets stuck on an electric pylon. The boy wants to climb the pylon to retrieve it , but the Wise Owl flies up to them with the catchphrase, " twit you, twit you."
Wise Owl says, " electric pylons are dangerous."
Little Girl " how do we get our kite back Wise Owl?"
Owl," the wind will help."
Wise Owl blows and wind frees the kite.
End of public information film.
Ronnie sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor of the house and dreams, a naked man in an owl mask approaches, Ronnie wakes. He gets a phone call from his mother, his parents no longer are together, she wants him to come round to her place on Monday. In the kitchen Ronnie opens shoebox containing dead rabbit and starts to work on stuffing it.
Animated Scene
Same two children, their pet cat has died, they are sad. Wise Owl appears," twit you, twit you."
Owl, " don't be sad, taxidermy is easy, you can be with your pet forever."
Little Girl," how so Wise Owl?"
( Wise Owl tells kids how to do taxidermy, skin animal, pluck out eyes, burn carcass, create new innards with foam and wire, place skin over new torso, job done. This is a very strange public information film, teaching kids taxidermy!)
End of animation scene.
Ronnie starts work on dead rabbit, but it doesn't go well, he clearly knows nothing about it. The neighbour returns and demands dead pet back, after being told that the taxidermist is a man in his 70's, and isn't Ronnie. Ronnie hands over mutilated rabbit ,the neighbour goes potty and storms off threatening action against Ronnie.
Animated Scene
House is on fire, little girl inside screams as she burns to death. Wise Owl outside house helpless watching.
End of animated scene
The house Ronnie is squatting in belongs to father Wilf who returns to see Ronnie and is not overjoyed to see him. Wilf reveals Ronnie has been in an institution for years after the death of his sister, burned to death in a house fire, as Ronnie was held responsible. Ronnie glumly says that on Monday his sister would have been 50 if she lived, and mother wants them to go over to her place, Wilf declines.
Animated Scene
Little boy and girl, birthday cake on table, it's the girl's birthday , she wants to light candles. Wise Owl sits on chair drunk!
Boy " Wise Owl, isn't it dangerous to play with matches?"
Wise Owl,( drunkenly)" they're safety matches fu**ing let her light candles. You and me Ronnie will go upstairs."
End of animated scene
In house Wilf and Ronnie go upstairs, Ronnie hides knife behind back, into bedroom. Wilf sits on bed and says," give your Dad a hug, you know you like it."
Ronnie reveals that Wilf told everyone that he rescued him from house fire that killed sister, when in truth he and his dad were upstairs in the bedroom when the sister set fire to the house trying to light candles on birthday cake. Wilf says, " what else could I do, I was the voice of Wise Owl giving out safety information, and my daughter dies in a house fire, not exactly good for the brand image."
Ronnie attempts to stab Wilf but misses and says he'll tell his mother and everyone the truth about his father, voice of Wise Owl, taxidermist and serial child abuser. Ronnie storms out of house, Wilf desperately follows .
Animated Scene
Child, who is Ronnie, leaves house, Wise Owl flies behind,
Wise Owl, " twit you, twit you, don't do it please Ronnie. You must do what Wise Owl says."
Ronnie, " get stuffed!"
S7 E6 WISE OWL
Ronnie, in his 40's is clearly disturbed as the story starts. He gets into a bath fully clothed and is about to put an electric current into the water when the doorbell rings. A neighbour has brought round a dead rabbit, his daughter's pet, and wants Ronnie to stuff it, as he is a taxidermist.
Animated Scene
A 1970s public information film; two children, brother and sister playing with a kite which gets stuck on an electric pylon. The boy wants to climb the pylon to retrieve it , but the Wise Owl flies up to them with the catchphrase, " twit you, twit you."
Wise Owl says, " electric pylons are dangerous."
Little Girl " how do we get our kite back Wise Owl?"
Owl," the wind will help."
Wise Owl blows and wind frees the kite.
End of public information film.
Ronnie sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor of the house and dreams, a naked man in an owl mask approaches, Ronnie wakes. He gets a phone call from his mother, his parents no longer are together, she wants him to come round to her place on Monday. In the kitchen Ronnie opens shoebox containing dead rabbit and starts to work on stuffing it.
Animated Scene
Same two children, their pet cat has died, they are sad. Wise Owl appears," twit you, twit you."
Owl, " don't be sad, taxidermy is easy, you can be with your pet forever."
Little Girl," how so Wise Owl?"
( Wise Owl tells kids how to do taxidermy, skin animal, pluck out eyes, burn carcass, create new innards with foam and wire, place skin over new torso, job done. This is a very strange public information film, teaching kids taxidermy!)
End of animation scene.
Ronnie starts work on dead rabbit, but it doesn't go well, he clearly knows nothing about it. The neighbour returns and demands dead pet back, after being told that the taxidermist is a man in his 70's, and isn't Ronnie. Ronnie hands over mutilated rabbit ,the neighbour goes potty and storms off threatening action against Ronnie.
Animated Scene
House is on fire, little girl inside screams as she burns to death. Wise Owl outside house helpless watching.
End of animated scene
The house Ronnie is squatting in belongs to father Wilf who returns to see Ronnie and is not overjoyed to see him. Wilf reveals Ronnie has been in an institution for years after the death of his sister, burned to death in a house fire, as Ronnie was held responsible. Ronnie glumly says that on Monday his sister would have been 50 if she lived, and mother wants them to go over to her place, Wilf declines.
Animated Scene
Little boy and girl, birthday cake on table, it's the girl's birthday , she wants to light candles. Wise Owl sits on chair drunk!
Boy " Wise Owl, isn't it dangerous to play with matches?"
Wise Owl,( drunkenly)" they're safety matches fu**ing let her light candles. You and me Ronnie will go upstairs."
End of animated scene
In house Wilf and Ronnie go upstairs, Ronnie hides knife behind back, into bedroom. Wilf sits on bed and says," give your Dad a hug, you know you like it."
Ronnie reveals that Wilf told everyone that he rescued him from house fire that killed sister, when in truth he and his dad were upstairs in the bedroom when the sister set fire to the house trying to light candles on birthday cake. Wilf says, " what else could I do, I was the voice of Wise Owl giving out safety information, and my daughter dies in a house fire, not exactly good for the brand image."
Ronnie attempts to stab Wilf but misses and says he'll tell his mother and everyone the truth about his father, voice of Wise Owl, taxidermist and serial child abuser. Ronnie storms out of house, Wilf desperately follows .
Animated Scene
Child, who is Ronnie, leaves house, Wise Owl flies behind,
Wise Owl, " twit you, twit you, don't do it please Ronnie. You must do what Wise Owl says."
Ronnie, " get stuffed!"
S8 E1 THE BONES OF ST NICHOLAS
Dr Jasper Parkway has booked an overnight stay in a reputedly haunted church on Christmas Eve. However, much to his dismay, he is soon joined by unwanted guests Pierce and Posy, who have even brought their own sleeping bags. Together with the eccentric warden Dick, it doesn't look like Jasper is going to be lonely this Christmas. Even though sherry, biscuits and Yuletide phantoms are on offer, why is Jasper so keen to be left to his own devices?
Dr Jasper Parkway has booked an overnight stay in a reputedly haunted church on Christmas Eve. However, much to his dismay, he is soon joined by unwanted guests Pierce and Posy, who have even brought their own sleeping bags. Together with the eccentric warden Dick, it doesn't look like Jasper is going to be lonely this Christmas. Even though sherry, biscuits and Yuletide phantoms are on offer, why is Jasper so keen to be left to his own devices?
S8 E2 MOTHER'S RUIN
East End villains Harry and Annie Blackwood were rotten to the core and did some truly horrible things when they were alive. What secrets did they take to their grave? Their sons plan to find out. Using Necromancy they intend to contact their deceased mother to find out the location of the hidden loot.
S8 E3 PARASKEVIDEKATRIAPHOBIA
Gareth is definitely going to be working from home today. Just to be on the safe side. He doesn't want to push his luck. Because today just happens to be Friday the 13th.
S8 E4 LOVE IS A STRANGER
You get to meet all sorts when you go online dating, as Vicky's about to find out. Will she finally meet her perfect match? Or will she be talking to the Lonely Hearts murderer?
East End villains Harry and Annie Blackwood were rotten to the core and did some truly horrible things when they were alive. What secrets did they take to their grave? Their sons plan to find out. Using Necromancy they intend to contact their deceased mother to find out the location of the hidden loot.
S8 E3 PARASKEVIDEKATRIAPHOBIA
Gareth is definitely going to be working from home today. Just to be on the safe side. He doesn't want to push his luck. Because today just happens to be Friday the 13th.
S8 E4 LOVE IS A STRANGER
You get to meet all sorts when you go online dating, as Vicky's about to find out. Will she finally meet her perfect match? Or will she be talking to the Lonely Hearts murderer?
S8 E5 HOLD ON TIGHT
MASSIVE SPOILER
After the fans persistent asking for an episode set on a number 9 bus.
We have this episode, advertised in Radio Times and on social media.
With Robin Askwith, a pastiche of On The Buses , accompanied by photo below and a trailer.
BUT IT WAS A HOAX !! The real episode is below, because Pemberton and Shearsmith wanted to fool the audience with a quiz show episode people thought was nowt to do with Inside No. 9,after the BBC continuity announcer declared HOLD ON TIGHT had been postponed and replaced by...
S8 E5 3 BY 3
In a replacement to the advertised programme, three threesomes compete for the big cash prize in this new general knowledge quiz presented by Lee Mack. A quiz with a nasty ending
MASSIVE SPOILER
After the fans persistent asking for an episode set on a number 9 bus.
We have this episode, advertised in Radio Times and on social media.
With Robin Askwith, a pastiche of On The Buses , accompanied by photo below and a trailer.
BUT IT WAS A HOAX !! The real episode is below, because Pemberton and Shearsmith wanted to fool the audience with a quiz show episode people thought was nowt to do with Inside No. 9,after the BBC continuity announcer declared HOLD ON TIGHT had been postponed and replaced by...
S8 E5 3 BY 3
In a replacement to the advertised programme, three threesomes compete for the big cash prize in this new general knowledge quiz presented by Lee Mack. A quiz with a nasty ending
S8 E6 THE LAST WEEKEND
Joe and Chas have been together for nine years. It's a long time to be truly in love with someone. But how long does it take to properly say goodbye. A gay couple spend every weekend together in a country cottage, have done for 9 years. One of them is now dying of a terminal illness , but has a secret to reveal, about their relationship. A twist ending that truthfully upset me greatly.
Joe and Chas have been together for nine years. It's a long time to be truly in love with someone. But how long does it take to properly say goodbye. A gay couple spend every weekend together in a country cottage, have done for 9 years. One of them is now dying of a terminal illness , but has a secret to reveal, about their relationship. A twist ending that truthfully upset me greatly.
S9 E1 BOO TO A GOOSE
Passengers are stuck on a subway train in a tunnel. Revelations of the passengers come to the fore as they wait for the train to start up again. Power is lost for a moment and in the darkness someone steals a nurse's purse. A geography teacher takes charge and becomes a bit of a bully as he tries to search the bags of a apparently mentally distressed passenger who has a paranoid personality and believes the government are spying on him. A beggar trapped here also comes under suspicion...obviously. The rest of the passengers split into two groups, defending the suspects or siding with the teacher. When the train eventually restarts and arrives at the next station, the replacement service is ready, a very unexpected replacement service, an unexpected twist.
S9 E2 THE TROLLEY PROBLEM
Difficult to go too much into this without massive spoilers. Drew is a troubled guy standing on a bridge preparing to jump. Therapist Blake rescues him and takes him home. This turns out to be a bad move as Drew slips pills into Blake's tea and Blake falls asleep while listening to Drew's problems. Blake wakes to find himself tied up and Drew reveals exactly who he is and the revenge he is after. A previous therapy session comes back to haunt Blake. Drew's revenge is his twisted version of The Trolley Problem.
(The Trolley Problem ; a runaway railway Trolley is heading towards 6 people trapped on the track, you are trackside and can divert the trolley to another track where it will kill just one person. What do you do? Kill 1 or 6 ?
Choose to divert the train and you make a decision to kill someone or do nothing and 6 die, although it's not your fault this problem arose).
S9 E3 MULBERRY CLOSE
An episode viewed entirely through a doorbell cam. Nosey neighbours trying to find out what's up with the new people at 9 Mulberry Close. New residents Damon and Val seem strange, devil worshippers perhaps, they certainly seem to indulge big time in Halloween. Val goes missing, has Damon killed her after neighbours spot him dragging heavy suitcases to his car. Has he cut her body up ? And what's happened to Popcorn, the neighbour's dog that has gone missing.
Passengers are stuck on a subway train in a tunnel. Revelations of the passengers come to the fore as they wait for the train to start up again. Power is lost for a moment and in the darkness someone steals a nurse's purse. A geography teacher takes charge and becomes a bit of a bully as he tries to search the bags of a apparently mentally distressed passenger who has a paranoid personality and believes the government are spying on him. A beggar trapped here also comes under suspicion...obviously. The rest of the passengers split into two groups, defending the suspects or siding with the teacher. When the train eventually restarts and arrives at the next station, the replacement service is ready, a very unexpected replacement service, an unexpected twist.
S9 E2 THE TROLLEY PROBLEM
Difficult to go too much into this without massive spoilers. Drew is a troubled guy standing on a bridge preparing to jump. Therapist Blake rescues him and takes him home. This turns out to be a bad move as Drew slips pills into Blake's tea and Blake falls asleep while listening to Drew's problems. Blake wakes to find himself tied up and Drew reveals exactly who he is and the revenge he is after. A previous therapy session comes back to haunt Blake. Drew's revenge is his twisted version of The Trolley Problem.
(The Trolley Problem ; a runaway railway Trolley is heading towards 6 people trapped on the track, you are trackside and can divert the trolley to another track where it will kill just one person. What do you do? Kill 1 or 6 ?
Choose to divert the train and you make a decision to kill someone or do nothing and 6 die, although it's not your fault this problem arose).
S9 E3 MULBERRY CLOSE
An episode viewed entirely through a doorbell cam. Nosey neighbours trying to find out what's up with the new people at 9 Mulberry Close. New residents Damon and Val seem strange, devil worshippers perhaps, they certainly seem to indulge big time in Halloween. Val goes missing, has Damon killed her after neighbours spot him dragging heavy suitcases to his car. Has he cut her body up ? And what's happened to Popcorn, the neighbour's dog that has gone missing.
S9 E4 CTRL/ ALT/ ESC
A family of four visit an escape room for a bit of adventure and family bonding.
The guide tells them this room is the cellar of a house belonging to Dr Death, the fictional psycho the family need to outwit to escape. As usual in escape rooms clues are to be found within, and to add to the drama the guide informs them that Dr Death might return. The father Jason gets chained to the bed and first up the two daughters and wife Lynne have to look for clues to get him released.
A filing cabinet is revealed to be a secret entrance to a passageway the girls and wife crawl through to get to a room where a key is found but is padlocked. Without going over every clue suffice to say the key is recovered. Now a possible twist in the tale could be Dr Death is real and the escape room is actually a trap. So when the girls start screaming and a masked figure enters carrying a large hammer it certainly seems this is indeed the twist. But the real twist is revealed when we discover something else entirely , Jason certainly is trapped but not in an escape room.
S9 E5 CURSE OF THE NINTH
Set in Edwardian times, piano tuner Jonah Quigley arrives at a large mansion for a job.
He discovers the piano he is to tune belonged to now deceased composer Nathaniel Burnham, a hero of his, someone whose music Quigley much admires. In the house is the widow Lillian, lawyer friend Dickie and maid Devonshire.
Lillian reveals why her husband died, it was because of a curse. The completion of the 9th symphony is supposed to be unlucky in the extreme and brings about death. Beethoven and Mahler both died after completing their 9th symphonies, and Lillian recalls how her husband, afraid to complete his 9th , went insane and shot himself.
While tuning the piano Quigley discovers a hidden sheet of music in the piano, part of Burnham's unfinished 9th. Lillian reveals her husband requested if he died before finishing his 9th that the unfinished work be buried with him, and this was carried out.
However scheming maid Devonshire persuades Quigley to dig up the grave and retrieve the manuscript. Quigley does this, desperate for the unfinished work, and meets Devonshire at the grave. An argument ensues regarding how to monetize their find, and Quigley kills her and throws her in the grave.
But Lillian and Dickie the family lawyer foresaw this and are prepared to blackmail Quigley, unless he himself completes the work, and risks the Curse Of The Ninth.
S9 E6 THE FINAL EVER EPISODE
" PLODDING ON"
Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton went to great lengths to keep this finale a secret until it was transmitted, and in that spirit I'll not reveal the plot to this last episode of Inside No. 9.
A family of four visit an escape room for a bit of adventure and family bonding.
The guide tells them this room is the cellar of a house belonging to Dr Death, the fictional psycho the family need to outwit to escape. As usual in escape rooms clues are to be found within, and to add to the drama the guide informs them that Dr Death might return. The father Jason gets chained to the bed and first up the two daughters and wife Lynne have to look for clues to get him released.
A filing cabinet is revealed to be a secret entrance to a passageway the girls and wife crawl through to get to a room where a key is found but is padlocked. Without going over every clue suffice to say the key is recovered. Now a possible twist in the tale could be Dr Death is real and the escape room is actually a trap. So when the girls start screaming and a masked figure enters carrying a large hammer it certainly seems this is indeed the twist. But the real twist is revealed when we discover something else entirely , Jason certainly is trapped but not in an escape room.
S9 E5 CURSE OF THE NINTH
Set in Edwardian times, piano tuner Jonah Quigley arrives at a large mansion for a job.
He discovers the piano he is to tune belonged to now deceased composer Nathaniel Burnham, a hero of his, someone whose music Quigley much admires. In the house is the widow Lillian, lawyer friend Dickie and maid Devonshire.
Lillian reveals why her husband died, it was because of a curse. The completion of the 9th symphony is supposed to be unlucky in the extreme and brings about death. Beethoven and Mahler both died after completing their 9th symphonies, and Lillian recalls how her husband, afraid to complete his 9th , went insane and shot himself.
While tuning the piano Quigley discovers a hidden sheet of music in the piano, part of Burnham's unfinished 9th. Lillian reveals her husband requested if he died before finishing his 9th that the unfinished work be buried with him, and this was carried out.
However scheming maid Devonshire persuades Quigley to dig up the grave and retrieve the manuscript. Quigley does this, desperate for the unfinished work, and meets Devonshire at the grave. An argument ensues regarding how to monetize their find, and Quigley kills her and throws her in the grave.
But Lillian and Dickie the family lawyer foresaw this and are prepared to blackmail Quigley, unless he himself completes the work, and risks the Curse Of The Ninth.
S9 E6 THE FINAL EVER EPISODE
" PLODDING ON"
Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton went to great lengths to keep this finale a secret until it was transmitted, and in that spirit I'll not reveal the plot to this last episode of Inside No. 9.