Catweazle Episode 19 - THE WOGLE STONE ( SCENE BY SCENE)

[michaellevenson]

Catweazle lives in Duck Halt, a disused railway station , decades after it was last used. The tracks alongside the platforms long disconnected from the nearby line. Catweazle lives in the old waiting room , which is basically full of trash dumped there. Catweazle is on a quest, he believes magic can make him fly like a bird, but first he must collect examples of all 12 signs of the zodiac, and then the mysterious 13th sign, then he will fly.
He gazes into a crystal ball that he has found and looks into it deeply.
C " oh please spirits of earth air fire and water and the wondrous spirit of electrickery, where shall I find the sign of the maiden"
Further looking into the ball;
C " water.....hidden water"
Catweazle turns to his pet toad Touchwood that lives in an old Wellington boot.
C " the ways of magic are like a twisted path Touchwood. If the hidden water will lead me to the sign of the maiden, first I must find the water "
Catweazle picks up his water divining stick, a Y shaped stick, and determinedly leaves Duck Halt.

 

[michaellevenson]

Outside King's Farthing, the name of the stately home of the Collingfords , there is a Rolls Royce parked, just outside the entrance gates of the estate. A man sits nervously at the wheel, a black cat sits in front of the car stubbornly refusing to move. The man is Jack Victor.
JV ( at cat) " move it , go away, go on go away , damn it "

Close by in the woods Catweazle hears as Jack Victor uses the car horn to try and get the cat moving.
C " Hunters!!.mayhaps it is me they hunt"

Jack Victor picks up the car telephone
JV " this is 286246, get me 014938188.......
Jack Victor here, I'm 200 yards....er....some distance from Kings Thingamy , will you tell Lord whatisname I'll be late...thank you "
Victor suddenly sees Catweazle, who is hiding behind a tree.
JV " hey you come here...listen...I just want a word with you "
Cautiously Catweazle walks to the car.
Kenneth Cope is Jack Victor;

 

[michaellevenson]

In the dining room at King's Farthing Lord Collingford is on the phone.
LC " oh I see, can't be helped"
He turns to Lady Collingford at the breakfast table.
LC " that wretched man's office again, he's going to be late "
LyC " don't get nervous Charles "
LC " it's these business tycoons, I never know how to talk to them "
LyC " I expect he'll do all the talking"
LC " I didn't understand a word of his letter. I don't like it Dotty darling, and I won't be talked into it, whatever it is"
Catweazle is at the window of the Rolls Royce.
JV " can you move that cat"
C " mayhap it is a fetch"
JV ( worried) " a fetch...that's a witch in the shape of a cat isn't it?"

C " aye, but fear not , behold...( pointing at cat)...oh witch depart if fetch thou art, for too long has sat if thou are cat"
Catweazle strokes cat
C " yan...tan..tethera..( picks up cat)...nay is but a blackberry cat"
JV " that's alright then,...who are you?"
C " I am Catweazle master magician "
Victor drives off into the grounds of King's Farthing.
Moray Watson and Elspet Gray are Lord and Lady Collingford.



At the front of the mansion Groome the handyman is up a ladder cleaning the glass panes of the main door, Cedric is watching him.
G " haven't you got anything better to do than watch me?"
Jack Victor's car pulls up, and the cigar smoking very superstitious tycoon gets out.
JV " hello I'm Jack Victor I've come to see Lord Collingford "
Cd " yes my father said you'd be coming. I'm Cedric. Do come in, they're in the dining room "
JV " the ladder..er.."
Cd " it's quite safe"
JV " yeah, but I'll have to go under it to get in, know what I mean "
G " I suppose you want me to move it?"
JV " if you wouldn't mind"
Groom grimaces and descends the ladder.
Peter Butterworth is Groome.

 

[michaellevenson]

Gary Warren is Cedric


Catweazle in the woods with his divining stick , and suddenly the stick shakes, as if water is detected. Catweazle excitedly bends down in grass, but he has only found a discarded milk bottle with dirty rainwater in it.
C " if I find not water, I will never find the sign of the maiden "

In the dining room at the manor, Victor has laid out a map across the dining table, a bemused Lord and Lady Collingford and Cedric look on.
JV " now then, Victor Investments Re housing Group Organisation has decided this whole area is ripe for development. We've already started building in Elderford"
LyC " what those bungalows...oh dear"
JV " they're very nice, they all have their own baths, central heating and double glazing. You won't recognise this place in five years, they'll be 200,000 people living here"
LC " ( alarmed) " how many?!"
JV " 200,000....depending on where we put the factory...( leans over map)...look here's Elderford and here's King's thingamy"
LC " King's Farthing...what's all this here"
JV " houses shops offices "
LC " but they're on my land"
JV " they are now yes"
LC " but these houses come right up to my moat"
JV " alright we'll plant a row of trees, coniferous , they'll hide everything those will. I'll come straight to the point, we want to buy 253 acres of your land "
LC " it's not for sale"
JV " do you know how much it's worth "
LC " not exactly "
JV " I do, 80,000 pounds"
LC " 80,000!" ( approx 1.2m in 2020)
JV " and the stars all point to this very area, the vibrations and the omens are very good"
LyC " omens?"
JV " oh yes, for instance Elderford has nine letters, that's very lucky"
LyC " I didn't know that"
JV " look I don't expect you to rush into this without knowing the facts, what I really came to ask you is, is it alright for my surveyor to look over the land, dig a few trial holes, check the ground over."

 

[michaellevenson]

Catweazle has come to a building site , or the beginning of one anyway. A large hole dug in the earth by a mechanical digger, one man operating it, another watches, then a car pulls up, the site surveyor gets out and calls to men.
Surveyor " tea up lads "
Catweazle ( hiding behind tree) " tea up? The call of the hunters "
The men go into a hut for tea. Catweazle creeps up to digger and looks up in awe at the machine, not having a clue as to what it is. Suddenly a bit of ground under the digger gives way, the 'claw' of the machine creaks loudly and then falls from its horizontal position to a vertical one, Catweazle alarmed steps backwards and falls into hole, the men come out of the hut and run over to see Catweazle in the hole.
Surveyor " what are you doing down there, come out NOW"

Catweazle climbs out and runs away screaming on fear.
C " spirits of the brazen vessel help me"
Back at King's Farthing;
JV " how do I get to this little railway station here. We'll have to buy that too"
Cd "you don't mean Duck Halt?"
JV " that's right Duck Halt"
Cd " why d'you want to buy that "
JV " we'll have to buy it so we can pull it down, there's a service road going through there"
Cedric has heard enough he must warn Catweazle.
Catweazle has run full pace back to Duck Halt, and enters waiting room that is his home.
C " Touchwood, they hunt for me with monsters. They have pits to trap me, we must make magic."

Jack Victor is on phone;
JV " oh well done lad, draw up a contract, pin them down "
Lady Collingford whispers to Lord Collingford.
LyC " I suppose we'll have to ask him to stay for lunch "
LC " but I can't stand the fellow "
LyC " me neither, but we'll have to ask "
JV (putting phone down) " another feather in our cap, big development in Wales"
LyC " I don't suppose you could stay for lunch?"
JV " that'll be nice, thank you "
LyC ( sighs) " oh...good"

Cedric arrives at Duck Halt and opens waiting room door, and is almost knocked over by a pram, sent flying across room by Catweazle .
Cd " hey..."
C " pardon, pardon Owlface, it was not meant for thee"
Cedric wears glasses, hence Catweazle calling him Owlface.
Cd " you jolly nearly got me. And listen Catweazle they're going to pull this place down "
C " the hunters?"
Cd " hunters?...no they're builders "
C " builders, but they hunt me with a toothy monster "
Cd " that's just a machine to help them build"
C " I will not go from here"
Cd " don't you see if they buy it they'll make you go"
C " make ME! HA! I who have escaped from the Normans "
Cedric only half believes Catweazle has come from the past.
Cd " erm...I wouldn't brag about that if I were you. You see it's not your place really, and if they catch you , well they might make you live somewhere not nice "
C " not nice?"
Cd " so we have to stop them"
C " we will by magic "
Cd " what magic"
C " the power of the wogle stone"
Cd "the what stone?"
C " has thou never heard of the wogle!!?"
Cd " no"
C " place it where they will build, call on Hecate, and no man will come near "
Cd " what does it look like?"
C " well like .er.....like....like a wogle thou gowk" ( foolish person- Old English)
Cd " so you just plonk a stone down and all the builders and bricklayers pack up and go home "
Cd " no one shall build where stands the wogle stone. Come Owlface "
Catweazle picks up divining stick.
C " this will lead us to the wogle stone "
Cd " I thought that was for water "
C " aye....water and wogle stones"

In the grounds of King's Farthing Cedric and Catweazle approach the moat. These days unlike in 1066 when Catweazle jumped in, the moat is virtually dry, just a trickle of water. It is basically a deep ditch about 100 yards from the manor house.
Catweazle holds his wooden divining stick. This time he holds the other end of the stick to when he was looking for water. The stick vibrates.
C " ah...it is near"
Cd " you're picking up water from the moat"
C " nay, this end for wogle stones, other end for water "
Cd " those stones are wogle stones?"
C " one of them is"
Cd " which one?"
C " I know not"
Cd " keep down, you can be seen from the house "
C" bah!"
Cd " the whole idea is crazy, how can a stone stop anything "
Catweazle takes Touchwood out of the pocket of his brown robe and holds the toad on his palm.
C " come Touchwood "
Touchwood starts croaking ,
C " see , he feels its power"
The croaking gets louder as Catweazle nears a stone.
C " here it is"
The stone is a spherical grey stone, about two foot in diameter.
Cd " looks like any normal stone to me"
C (angry) " thou glass eyed Gaul fly can you not feel its power"
Cedric and Catweazle together lift up stone from moat bed, and then it drops, Catweazle jumps out the way as it thuds down on the earth.
Cd (smiles) "almost felt its power then didn't you"

 

[michaellevenson]

At lunch at King's Farthing Charles and Dotty Collingford, Lord and Lady, are listening to Jack Victor, wearily.
JV " then I took over Amalgamated Construction "
LyC " was that predicted in the stars too"
JV " oh yes, and the cards too"
LyC " cards?"
Victor learns forward and accidentally knocks over a salt cellar.
JV " oh sorry "
LC " never mind, leave it"
JV " I'm sorry I have to do this"
Victor picks up a pinch of salt and flings it over his shoulder saying,
JV " one for silver, one for gold, and one for luck that's never told"

Back in the moat Cedric has got a wooden wheelbarrow.
Cd " it must weigh a ton, we'll never lift it"
C " believe in my powers Owlface "
The two stand either side of stone ready to lift it into wheelbarrow.
C " yan, tan, tethera"
They lift it and put it in barrow, and the bottom of the barrow falls out, crushed. But it's okay, the stone is wedged in the barrow, it can be moved. They set off to the building site.
Back at lunch Jack Victor is still droning on.
JV " at this moment Virgo is building 600 homes"
LyC " virgo?"
JV " Victor investment rehousing group organisation....v, i, r, g, o, ...Virgo for short "
LyC " but must you build here Mr Victor, surely there's other places "
JV " I can't ignore the omens. I don't understand you Lady Collingford, anyone would think you don't want to sell"
Charles and Dotty stare at each other, there's no getting through to this guy.

Cedric and Catweazle are heading towards the site, wheeling the huge stone , Touchwood riding on top of it .
Cd " I honestly don't know why we're doing this, what if the builders don't know about the wogle stone?"
C " then they will learn. No man may build......"
Cd " .....where stands the wogle, come on then "
Suddenly after hitting an uneven patch of ground the wheelbarrow topples over, the stone thuds into the ground.
C (alarmingly) " Touchwood where are thou?"
But the toad is okay, Catweazle scoops him up and strokes him.
C " my wondrous beast I thought I'd lost you"
Cd " I should never have listened to you in the first place. Let's forget the whole idea"
C " nay , thy faint hearted brisket ."



Jack Victor gets in his car Charles and Dotty see him off.
JV " think it over, 80,000 pounds is a lot of money and I've noticed your guttering, very dodgy, money'll be useful ,...I'll be back at 6"
The Rolls Royce leaves.
LyC " do you think he intends staying for dinner"
LC " I don't think I could stand it"
LyC " we better expect it, and if he doesn't it'll be such a lovely surprise "

 

[michaellevenson]

Arriving at the building site, Cedric and Catweazle place the stone at the edge of the hole dug by the builders.
Cd " are you sure this is the right place?"
C " aye, it is where I fell, and see the monster,.....er..machine "
Cd " cheek , they must have been digging on our land for hours. What do we do now?"
Catweazle takes a piece of chalk from his robe and draws something on the stone.
C " now we wait"
Cd " what for, Mr Victor might not be back for hours "
C " someone comes I see them"
Cd (puzzled) " where I don't see anyone "
C ( points to own forehead ) " I see them here"
Victor turns up in his Rolls Royce.
Cd " you're right.....for once"
The two of them hide behind digger as Jack Victor beeps horn and his men come out of hut. Walter Richardson is the surveyor. Their attention is drawn to the huge stone perched on the edge of the pit. A spherical stone with two eyes drawn on it in chalk.
Tony Caunter is Walter Richardson.


R " what the hell is it?"
Catweazle emerges from hiding place.
C " touch not the wogle stone "
R " the what!!?"
JV " the wogle stone, didn't you hear him"
R " I heard him alright, he's given us trouble before "
C " touch not the wogle stone "
R " what this thing?"
C " he that does touch the wogle stone shall all alone moan and groan"
JV " I don't like the sound of that"
C " thou must not move it"
Cedric behind the digger is trying not to laugh.
JV " it'll have to be moved sometime, there's going to be a supermarket built here"
C " no man can build where stands the wogle stone "

R ( shouts)" he's round the bend!!"
JV " I've never heard of a wogle stone have you?"
R ( shouts)" NO I BLOODY HAVEN'T and nor has anyone else, he's potty...now listen you old fool...."
JV " steady on Walter"
R ( shouts) "there's going to be a big estate here, and it will take more than that overgrown pebble to stop that "
JV " don't antagonize him, he might have the evil eye"
R " I'm worried about you Jack, why do you believe in all this nonsense"
JV " it's best to be on the safe side and it could be an omen "
R " omens, signs , this is supposed to be a building site NOT A BLOODY FAIRY RING"
JV " couldn't we just leave it for now?"
R " no we couldn't "
JV " I hope you're right"
Victor goes back to his car for sanctuary. Richardson calls over to the other men.
R " Dave, Billy , over here , lets move this "
Catweazle kneels in front of stone and closes his eyes.
Jack in his car gets a phone call.

JV ( phone) " hello...WHAT!.......WHAT!!..( getting out of car).....don't touch that stone."
R " now what..?"
JV " we've just lost the Welsh contract because of that thing"
Catweazle stands and smiles,
C " ah...now you have seen the light"
R ( shouts) " GET LOST YOU"
JV " Walter I don't know what to do, I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown "
R ( to men) " get rid of that thing "
JV " touch that stone and you're fired"
Catweazle's divining stick suddenly vibrates,
C " ah...water....I have found hidden water..."
JV " he has too, he must be a water diviner, there must be an underground river "
R " don't be ridiculous "
JV " we can't build here, not over an underground river "
R " you're not taking that idiot's word for it?"
JV " I've worked with water diviners before, it's uncanny, they're never wrong"
R " look Jack who's the surveyor "
JV " you are , but he's a water diviner, he's found water, that's good enough for me. We are not building here"
Victor marches off, Catweazle triumphantly looks on, Cedric comes out of hiding grinning.

 

[michaellevenson]

Outside King's Farthing Jack Victor is saying goodbye to the Collingfords.
LC " an underground river?"
JV " no doubt about it, according to my surveyor these water diviners really know their stuff"
LyC " water diviner , what did he look like?"
JV " funny old fella ,bit of a hermit if you ask me. But he was right, you can't build where there's a wogle stone, didn't know that did you "
LC " ..er.....no"
JV " take care of it.....the wogle stone "
The car drives off, Lord and Lady Collingford stand bemused.

Back at the site, the men are in their hut, Catweazle is using a pick axe digging deeper into the pit.
C " hidden water, I know it is here "
Suddenly a torrent of water spurts upwards, drenching Catweazle.
C ( gleefully) " I have found it, the hidden water...."
Cd" Catweazle you great idiot , you've burst a water main "
But Catweazle isn't listening, but running away joyfully.

Jack Victor is again having trouble with a black cat, this time on his way out of King's Farthing. His car motionless as he stares at cat.
JV " oh not again, go away....."
Catweazle turns up and picks up cat, and walks holding it up to Victor.
C " it will bring thee luck"
JV " just a blackberry cat eh.....listen I can't thank you enough for finding the river"
C " oh it was nothing "
Jack hands him his business card,
JV " next time you're in town, look me up"
Catweazle looks in wonderment at the card.


Back at Duck Halt, Cedric and Catweazle, and of course Touchwood the toad, are together.
C " I don't understand, why did he give you his card?"
C ( sighs) " thou art ox witted Owlface. See.."
The card has VIRGO printed on it, which Catweazle can't read ,but also a logo next to the letters, an artist's depiction of a young woman alluring on a sea shell.
C " the sign of the maiden. Another sign, soon I will have them all......then I shall fly"

The End

Next episode;

Catweazle Episode 20- THE ENCHANTED KING ( SCENE BY SCENE)

In King's Farthing the home of the Collingfords, Lord Collingford (Charles) is having problems with the TV set. He and handyman Groome are in the tv room trying to get it working, there's sound but no picture. G " I don't know what you've done to it my Lord" LC " I haven't done anything to it Mr...

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