Fun Worst Asian Films You Have Ever Seen

[divemaster13]

Time to shake things up. What are your worst Asian films? These could be just BAD movies, or perhaps just movies you had high hopes for but were very disappointing for whatever reason. I'll start, and you can hammer me because I know some of these are very popular and well-liked. All of the below I rated either ZERO, 0.5 or 1 star:

Battle Royale II: Requiem: possibly the worst movie I've ever seen. I know the original director died early in filming, but that's no excuse. For frame of reference, I consider the original Battle Royale a 5-star movie, easy.

Bad Guy: totally unredeeming, vile, and without any worthwhile quality--sick movie with sick message (beloved or at least respected by many, I know)

Irma Vep: technically a French film, but I'm including it b/c it stars one of my favorite actresses, Maggie Cheung

China Strike Force

Audition (bring on the hate--I can take it LOL)

Desire: a rich housewife discovers that her psychiatrist husband is two-timing her with a leather-clad pretty boy. Virtually no dialogue in the film, and the characters are either frightfully annoying or depressingly banal. Horrible.

I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK: Lame and stupid movie with losers in a nuthouse. Abyssmal. (Yes, I do have a sense of humor and very much like and appreciate farce and/or satire. But you have to be able to crack a smile at least once...)

Black Mask: Jet Li movie; but I've only seen the U.S. butchered re-edit. It's possible the real version is better

Chinese Tall Story, A: I posted a detailed review of this previously

Erotic Ghost Story: Perfect Match
Erotic Ghost Story: Sophie
--I had high hopes for these as erotica, as the first three in the series were actually really good. But these reek of low budget straight to video and don't, uh, ...produce the desired effect one might want when watching a movie late at night by yourself

Executioners: another extremely disappointing sequel (to The Heroic Trio). No sense of fun. Nothing of interest. Good cast can't save it.

Saviour of the Soul: I like me some wacky HK fantasy time-bending kung-fu martial arts wuxia comedy movies. But not this one!

Taboo (aka Gohatto): Fruity samurai? No thanks.

Wild Zero: Guitar wolf; aliens; zombies; transsexuals--as bad as it sounds.

Bet on My Disco: Clueless movie about a group of guys in a small village, two competing nightclubs, and a girl who works at one of them; lame.

Camel(s): Ponderous look at two boring people having a weekend fling. When the most memorable thing about a movie is a car's turn blinker, you know you are in trouble.

He Was Cool: Vapid high school girl gets involved with cool aloof type with "issues."

Isle, The: Grim and gruesome story about loner girl who tends remote fishing cabins. I know y'all love this one, so bring on the pitchforks.

Last Wolf, The: City cop transfers to a peaceful countryside town; however, the police station there faces closure due to lack of crime in the community. What to do…what to do…

Love Her (aka Sinking into Her): Psycho angry girlfriend makes life difficult for composer. BORING.

My Boss, My Hero: Gangster "big brother" can't advance unless he finishes high school--so he enrolls. Lame and unfunny.

Nabi (aka The Butterfly): Dark and somber and pointless movie about a lady trying to catch the 'oblivion virus' to forget painful memories.

Samaria: Why oh why do I keep watching Ki-duk Kim films? Kill me now.

Save the Green Planet!: Man kidnaps wealthy CEO whom he is convinced is an alien. This was a "must see" movie back when I started watching Korean films. Not funny; not clever; even the twists and turns can be seen a mile off. Total waste of time.

Scent of Chrysanthemums: I love good Korean melodrama. This is NOT good Korean melodrama.
Boy has huge crush, stalks girl over years; she finally agrees to marry him; they are oh so very happy; she gets pregnant but dies of cancer after giving birth.

Sorum: Misery and death at a run-down apartment building. Sloooooow and borrrrring--"no clue movie." For the love of God, something, anything, happen! Nope.

Steal It If You Can (aka Can't Live without Robbery; aka Thief Maker): Mild-mannered husband has to protect his house against brash burglar who keeps coming back. Sounds like it could be funny and clever. NOT.

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance: Extremely nihilistic; another soul-crushing film. Really hated this, although I can admit it is well-made.

Tube: Dapper terrorist with a grudge blows up things and takes a subway train full of people hostage; scruffy detective tries to stop him. This film is the one where I realized Korean cinema was trying to emulate Hollywood by making mindless crap action movies. Nothing to recommend.

Eat Drink Man Woman: How can such a highly rated film be so goddamned BORING?

Office: A recent watch I commented on in the March thread I believe.

Please comment on any of the above. And add your own! Hopefully someone will trash a movie I loved so I can get my own feathers ruffled. LOL

 

[sitenoise]

I'm not upset with you not liking Kim Ki-duk films, but your Park Chan-wook disses bunch up my panties--even though I now think he has turned into the worst kind of Hollywood hack--I really enjoyed the two you got wrong I never knew you felt that way.

I need some time to figure how to respond to this thread. I just did a search for flicks I rated 1 or 1.5/10 -- which means I was in some way offended by their awfulness. There are a few stupid Korean skin flicks or Japanese exploitation flicks in there that don't need to be mentioned. I'll look for surprises. I noticed a bunch of Kiyoshi Kurosawa in there, and more Sion Sono than I wish ....

 

[clayton-12]

Samaria: Why oh why do I keep watching Ki-duk Kim films? Kill me now.

That's classic! If you went back for a third helping, then you've clearly come off as second best in the divemaster vs KKD battle!

I started with Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter ... and Spring, which I didn't think was bad even if I found it a little pretentious, but when I followed it up with The Isle I realised that this Kim Ki-duk guy doesn't make movies for me. I actually turned The Isle off when there was only 5 to 10 minutes left to go - in a way, the film was life affirming in that it made me realise there was many better things I could do with your life than watch crap like that. And I managed to carry that positive message with me into the future, never having been tempted to watch another of his films.

 

[sitenoise]

Scent of Chrysanthemums: I love good Korean melodrama. This is NOT good Korean melodrama.
Boy has huge crush, stalks girl over years; she finally agrees to marry him; they are oh so very happy; she gets pregnant but dies of cancer after giving birth.

" I tolerated this formulaic disease of the week melodrama because I have a 'thing' for Jin-Young Jang but it was like accepting a dare because there was zero chemistry between the two leads. It was uncomfortable and unbelievable to watch. I couldn't turn away."

Desire: a rich housewife discovers that her psychiatrist husband is two-timing her with a leather-clad pretty boy. Virtually no dialogue in the film, and the characters are either frightfully annoying or depressingly banal. Horrible.

Which flick is this?

 

[sitenoise]

when I followed it up with The Isle I realised that this Kim Ki-duk guy doesn't make movies for me.

Dunno if you all remember my KKD story, but his Bad Guy was one of the first Asian movies I ever saw (outside of whatever I may have seen without thinking of them as Asian). I'm not sure I thought it was a good movie--never been tempted to rewatch it--but it was so powerful in telling me that I needed to start watching more Asian flicks in general and more KKD in particular. Maybe it was just the gimmick of no dialog but it really invited me into the world of Asian movies. So good or bad, I am eternally grateful to the film and its director for doing what it did to change the course of my film viewing forever.

 

[clayton-12]

his Bad Guy was one of the first Asian movies I ever saw

It wasn't the first Asian movie I saw by any stretch, but I deliberately went to see Spring et al when it was released because I had been hearing murmurings about how good the Korean film industry was, but had never seen a Korean film. In the end, I got into Korean cinema despite Kim Ki-duk, not because of him LOL.

 

[ebossert]

Good calls on Battle Royale 2, Bad Guy, Desire, and Camel(s). I hated all of those.

Here are a few of mine:

Rebirth (2007, Japan) - NOT to be confused with the film starring Hiromi Nagasaku from 2011, which was great
Virtual Recall (2010, Hong Kong)
Hibi Rock (2014, Japan)
My Darling FBI (2008, Korea)
Kill Devil (2004, Japan)
Diecovery (2003, Thailand)
R.U. Ready? (2003, Korea)
Vive L'Amour (1994, Taiwan) - and basically anything from Tsai Ming-liang
Punch Lady (2007, Korea)
Sadako 3D (2012, Japan)
Raped By An Angel (1993, Hong Kong)
Jellyfish Eyes (2013, Japan)
Motel Cactus (1997, Korea)
Terra Formars (2016, Japan)

 

[sitenoise]

Too many to write much about, but here's a list that includes films that got good critical responses, or were made by directors who should know better, or who starred someone who should know better. The world would have been a better place had these films not been made:

2010 - Bedevilled Director: Jang Cheol-so -
2009 - Breathless Director: Yang Ik-Joon - These first two are abuse and cruelty for abuse and cruelty's sake, then a lame excuse for it that is pathetic.

2002 - The Coast Guard Director: Ki-duk Kim - Same

2009 - Cobalt Blue Director: Yosuke Nakagawa - If John Tesh were a movie, he'd be this movie

2016 - Creepy Director: Kiyoshi Kurosawa - Kurosawa has left the shark he jumped miles and miles behind.

2017 - The Dark Maidens Director: Saiji Yakumo - laughably bad acting

2010 - Echoes of the Rainbow Director: Alex Law - god aweful attempt at poignancy

2010 - Flowers Director: Norihiro Koizumi - A two hour soap commercial

2008 - The Guard Post Director: Su-chang Kong - Korean tough guy bullshit

2012 - Howling Director: Ha Yu - Kang Ho-song actually sucked in a movie

2015 - Journey to the Shore Director: Kiyoshi Kurosawa - Kurosawa

2015 - Love & Peace Director: Shion Sono - stupidity isn't funny

1995 - Love Letter Director: Shunji Iwai - Worse than Bad Guy

2016 - A Man and A Woman Director: Yoon-ki Lee - Oh Yoon-ki! Blame it on the dude in this film.

2016 - Mermaid Director: Stephen Chow - Watching someone drip snot on someone isn't funny

2008 - Nobody to Watch Over Me Director: Ryôichi Kimizuka - A lie!

2012 - Penance Director: Kiyoshi Kurosawa - Kurosawa

2015 - Right Now, Wrong Then Director: Sang-soo Hong - Piggishness. Drunkards aren't interesting

2015 - Sara Director: Herman Yau - Can't remember

2016 - Scoop! Director: Hitoshi Ohne - Fumi let me way way down.

2015 - Shinjuku Swan Director: Shion Sono -

1999 - Shiri Director: Je-gyu Kang - Stupidest action flick ever

2010 - Taipei Exchanges Director: Ya-chuan Hsiao - Infomercial for a coffee bar

2005 - Tale of Cinema Director: Sang-soo Hong - Hong at his worst pretentious self

2013 - Tamako in Moratorium Director: Nobuhiro Yamashita -

2009 - Vegetarian Director: Woo-Seong Lim - A film that set out to exploit a woman's naked body but the woman has the ugliest fake tits you could ever imagine. WTF

2015 - The Virgin Psychics Director: Shion Sono - Fan service bullshit

2014 - Women Who Flirt Director: Ho-Cheung Pang - When what's her face jumped the shark

2009 - The Wonderful World of Captain Kuhio Director: Daihachi Yoshida - "pucker-faced delivery, like he's trying to illustrate what the stick up his ass makes his asshole look like."

2014 - The World of Kanako Director: Tetsuya Nakashima - Major misfire of violence for the sake of violence is cool crap

 

[sitenoise]

Nabi (aka The Butterfly): Dark and somber and pointless movie about a lady trying to catch the 'oblivion virus' to forget painful memories.

I have two copies of this film and it's been sitting at the front of my queue for about five years, but I never actually watch it. I keep it around as a treasure of what that one actress was like before she wasn't cool any more. Maybe I'll watch it tonight

 

[sitenoise]

Sorum: Misery and death at a run-down apartment building. Sloooooow and borrrrring--"no clue movie." For the love of God, something, anything, happen! Nope.

Show some respect for the dead! This is another Jin-Young Jang flick. I had a 'thing' for her. Take it back

 

[sitenoise]

It wasn't the first Asian movie I saw by any stretch, but I deliberately went to see Spring et al when it was released because I had been hearing murmurings about how good the Korean film industry was, but had never seen a Korean film. In the end, I got into Korean cinema despite Kim Ki-duk, not because of him LOL.

FWIW - I remember Spring et al being more offensive to my sensibilities than Bad Guy

 

[clayton-12]

My “absolute-crap-or-is-it-just-me” award goes to:

Truck (Kwon Hyeong-jin, 2007): An honest widower needing fast cash to pay for his cute daughter’s heart transplant loses his life savings in a rigged gambling operation, then stumbles upon something he shouldn’t have seen, and as a consequence is forced by a psychopathic gangster to transport a truck load of dismembered corpses from one end of the country to the other. If that’s not bad enough, he begins to realise that the hitch-hiking uniformed cop he picked up along the way is harbouring a dark secret. The film plays out like a different director turned up every day, asked “now, where are we up to?”, and then hastily wrote enough script for a day’s worth of shooting, picking up the story from where the previous director left off. “Hmm … I think we need a love interest for the truck driver. Tell you what, let’s say one of the corpses in the back isn’t dead, she’s just sleeping”.

It was appalling, but … when a friend told me he had watched it, and I started going on about all the absolutely frickin’ unbelievably godawful stupid things in the movie, I gradually realised from the look on his face that he waiting for me to get to the bad bits. He’d thought it was great, and everything I was saying was describing exactly what he had loved about it. Oh well, one man’s bottom-of-the barrel trash is another’s B-grade classic.

 

[clayton-12]

Audition (bring on the hate--I can take it LOL)

I was planning to offer this up as a group rewatch sometime, partly to see how it stacked up to my memory and partly as a springboard to understanding what you hated about it so much.

I'm a Cyborg, But That's OK: Lame and stupid movie with losers in a nuthouse. Abyssmal. (Yes, I do have a sense of humor and very much like and appreciate farce and/or satire. But you have to be able to crack a smile at least once...)

Not sure the word "abysmal" is warranted, but I found it all rather underwhelming and forgettable - kind of quirky for quirk's sake.

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance: Extremely nihilistic; another soul-crushing film. Really hated this, although I can admit it is well-made.

Very good people doing very bad things for very good reasons. How can you describe this as soul-crushing? If you hated it, you have no soul!

and more Sion Sono than I wish ....

Have you ever sat through I am Keiko?

Love & Peace Director: Shion Sono - stupidity isn't funny

It moved me to tears not once, but twice. I remember your review of it at the time and I can't argue with your criticisms. However, at its best this wildly uneven film is sublimely beautiful.

 

[plsletitrain]

If I remember it well, I loved a majority of Kim Ki-duk films I've seen. Let's group re-watch The Isle as form of torture to @divemaster13.

 

[divemaster13]

Ok, great discussion! I'm enjoying reading y'all's thoughts and opinions. Some follow-ups:

Samaria: Why oh why do I keep watching Ki-duk Kim films? Kill me now.

That's classic! If you went back for a third helping, then you've clearly come off as second best in the divemaster vs KKD battle!

I started with Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter ... and Spring, which I didn't think was bad even if I found it a little pretentious, but when I followed it up with The Isle I realised that this Kim Ki-duk guy doesn't make movies for me. I actually turned The Isle off when there was only 5 to 10 minutes left to go - in a way, the film was life affirming in that it made me realise there was many better things I could do with your life than watch crap like that. And I managed to carry that positive message with me into the future, never having been tempted to watch another of his films.

FWIW - I remember Spring et al being more offensive to my sensibilities than Bad Guy

LOL. I actually liked Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter ... and Spring. I gave it 3.5 stars. 3-Iron got 3 stars. So that's, what? five Ki-duk Kim movies I've seen? But the three I hated more than overpower the two I found "ok" so no more Ki-duk Kim for me.

Audition (bring on the hate--I can take it LOL)

I was planning to offer this up as a group rewatch sometime, partly to see how it stacked up to my memory and partly as a springboard to understanding what you hated about it so much.

The idea of a group re-watch of Audition has been batted around for a while, and I'm up for that. I think it would be a good discussion.

If I remember it well, I loved a majority of Kim Ki-duk films I've seen. Let's group re-watch The Isle as form of torture to @divemaster13.

But I will NOT be watching this again, no matter how much you beg me. :)

Desire: a rich housewife discovers that her psychiatrist husband is two-timing her with a leather-clad pretty boy. Virtually no dialogue in the film, and the characters are either frightfully annoying or depressingly banal. Horrible.

Which flick is this?

Desire

 

[divemaster13]

Good calls on Battle Royale 2, Bad Guy, Desire, and Camel(s). I hated all of those.

Here are a few of mine:

Rebirth (2007, Japan) - NOT to be confused with the film starring Hiromi Nagasaku from 2011, which was great
Virtual Recall (2010, Hong Kong)
Hibi Rock (2014, Japan)
My Darling FBI (2008, Korea)
Kill Devil (2004, Japan)
Diecovery (2003, Thailand)
R.U. Ready? (2003, Korea)
Vive L'Amour (1994, Taiwan) - and basically anything from Tsai Ming-liang
Punch Lady (2007, Korea)
Sadako 3D (2012, Japan)
Raped By An Angel (1993, Hong Kong)
Jellyfish Eyes (2013, Japan)
Motel Cactus (1997, Korea)
Terra Formars (2016, Japan)

The only one on your list I have seen is Raped By an Angel, which I gave 3 stars, mainly because of Chingmy Yau whom I found adorably cute back in the early '90s. She retired from the industry in the late '90s and I have no idea what she looks like now. Kindof afraid to check.

 

[divemaster13]

Too many to write much about, but here's a list that includes films that got good critical responses, or were made by directors who should know better, or who starred someone who should know better. The world would have been a better place had these films not been made:

I'm not sure what it says about my movie watching, but I haven't seen ANY of the movies on your list, except for Shiri. It wasn't super great by any means, but I liked it ok. Gave it 3 stars.

 

[sitenoise]

The idea of a group re-watch of Audition has been batted around for a while, and I'm up for that. I think it would be a good discussion.

I vote for this. I'd like to rewatch and discuss.

 

[sitenoise]

Have you ever sat through I am Keiko?

Yeah, 5.372/10

Pretentious art films designed to try one's patience are tough, but they really do annoy me a lot less than watching someone make stupid faces and eat in an ill-mannered way as if it's entertainment.

 

[sitenoise]

Desire

Yeah, the Korean one sucked. The Japanese one was okay.

Hey, whoa. What's up with that "reference" view. It does away with all the bullshit on a page. Awesome