Review NCIS (2003)

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

Abby: Oh, wow! Free tickets to the ABBA reunion concert!

Abby: Don't ask me - I'm just a silly girl...

Abby: Is it too late for me to become a nun?

Abby: I can't wait to get married, have three little girls, a cute little country cottage with a white picket fence...

Abby: Excellent! THE SOUND OF MUSIC is on TV tonight! I can't wait!

 

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

Tony: It's time I came out of the closet - I'm gay.

Tony: Does anyone know where they're holding the next STAR TREK convention?

Tony: Gibbs! Go get me a coffee! Now!

Tony: Does anyone know where I can buy a Volvo station wagon?

Tony: Hey everyone! I'd like you all to meet my new boyfriend...

 

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

McGee: Kiss my ass, Gibbs!

McGee: Could you give me a hand with my computer, Gibbs? I'm stuck...

McGee: Check out the cans on that bimbo...

McGee: Oh, wow! A Commodore 64! Cool!

McGee: Is it just me, or does one of Gibbs' former father-in-laws look like Sean Connery?

 

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

Gerald: And I thought Ari liked me…

Gerald: Don’t shoot me! Shoot Ducky instead!

Gerald: Damn! My arm! Now I won’t be able to pleasure myself on those long lonely nights…

Gerald: I was watching THE MAN FROM UNCLE last night - and you’ll never guess who I saw!

Gerald: Shut up, Ducky!

 

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

Palmer: Gibbs is such a wuss!

Palmer: The name's Palmer... Jimmy Palmer.

Palmer: Now that Kate’s gone, does that mean I’ll get more screen time?

Palmer: Sit down before I knock you down, Gibbs!

Palmer: Okay everyone, you all go and hide - I'll protect you...

 

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

Kate: So, McGee - are you busy tonight?

Kate: Is that Ari over there on that rooftop...? Wow, it is! Hello Ari!

Kate: Ouch! That bullet hurt!

Kate: Does this bullet hole make my hair look messy?

Kate: I'll be back...

 

[ant-mac]

Things that would never be said by...

Ari: Oops - I was aiming at Gibbs...

Ari: It's time I learned to get in touch with my sensitive, caring side...

Ari: Yoo-hoo! Gibbs! Tony! Kate! I'm over here on the rooftop!

Ari: I'm not such a bad guy once you get to know me...

Ari: Thank you for your kind words, Gibbs. I'm very happy finally to be a part of the NCIS team...

 

[ant-mac]

(Gibbs enters the medical examination room at NCIS HQ...)

Ducky: Ah, Jethro. Right on time as usual. Well, according to Mister Palmer’s medical report, our victim was beaten to death with a blunt excrement...

Palmer: Actually, Doctor Mallard, it was a blunt instrument.

Ducky: Oh, I see. Well, Jethro, I read your report, but after carefully examining our victim, I can find no sign that he was an anal navigator.

Gibbs: He was a naval aviator.

Ducky: Hmm... I think I’m beginning to see where I went wrong. Can’t anyone around here write legibly?

Gibbs: Are you sure it’s not just a Freudian slip on your part? After all, you’re the one with the nickname “Ducky”...

Ducky: Shut up, moron!

Gibbs: I think you mean “Marine”…

Ducky: I know what I mean.

 

[Gavin]

(Gibbs enters the medical examination room at NCIS HQ...)

Ducky: Ah, Jethro. Right on time as usual. Well, according to Mister Palmer’s medical report, our victim was beaten to death with a blunt excrement...

Palmer: Actually, Doctor Mallard, it was a blunt instrument.

Ducky: Oh, I see. Well, Jethro, I read your report, but after carefully examining our victim, I can find no sign that he was an anal navigator.

Gibbs: He was a naval aviator.

Ducky: Hmm... I think I’m beginning to see where I went wrong. Can’t anyone around here write legibly?

Gibbs: Are you sure it’s not just a Freudian slip on your part? After all, you’re the one with the nickname “Ducky”...

Ducky: Shut up, moron!

Gibbs: I think you mean “Marine”…

Ducky: I know what I mean.

I think you need to get of your ass and start submitting screenplays to some of these shows. I'd totally watch this.

 

[ant-mac]

I think you need to get of your ass and start submitting screenplays to some of these shows. I'd totally watch this.

Cheers, mate. But there's one thing I'd like to point out. We're Aussies, so we don't say "ass", we say "arse"!

In fact, the only way it could be said better than by an Aussie, is if it was said by a Scottish girl with red hair and fire in her eyes.

 

[Gavin]

We're Aussies, so we don't say "ass", we say "arse"!

I know and that's what I say but when I'm typing I tend to take the lazy route. Plus, are you entirely sure I wasn't telling you to get off your donkey?