Catweazle Episode 21 - THE FAMILIAR SPIRIT ( SCENE BY SCENE)

[michaellevenson]

In Duck Halt the disused railway station that is his home Catweazle is upset. His toad Touchwood is unwell. The animal's skin is an off colour, and dry , Catweazle places toad on his palm saying,
C " oh sickness rise up, fly away , hide behind the moon, go from Touchwood. Ammo Ablammo salmy Dalmy Adonay."
Catweazle is clearly upset,
C " nothing works, I will not leave thee, I will not fly without thee. Thy skin is like parchment, but fear not thou shall be strong again "
Cedric enters,
Cd " morning Catweazle"
C " Touchwood is sick, magic cannot cure him"
Cd " what's wrong with him?"
C " see, his skin, he will not eat his blue bottle"
CD " gosh, he must be ill"
C " mayhap he is bewitched "
CD " don't be silly, he's just a bit off colour that's all"
C " aye he hath a yellow look "
CD " maybe it's jaundice , I wish I knew more about toads "
C " I could find him leeches"
CD " don't be silly he might eat them"
C " what is a magician without his familiar, how will I find the sign of the scorpion, how will I fly. Without Touchwood I am lost"
CD " don't be silly he'll be fine, you talk as if he's had it"
C " had what?"
CD " could take him to a vet I suppose, wait a minute, there's a zoologist in Elderford...now what's his name...er..ah Professor Habbleman"
Geoffrey Bayldon is Catweazle, Gary Warren is Cedric.

 

[michaellevenson]

In Professor Oscar Habbleman's house in the nearby Elderford , the professor is at a typewriter, reading out what he has just typed. He has a strong German accent.
Oscar " therefore we must assume that this species may have been extinct for some time past "
The main living room of his house is more like a laboratory. Glass cases with toads in them, toad pictures on the wall, a bunsen burner alight with a glass flask on top of it with bluish liquid bubbling away.
Nearby Cedric and Catweazle walk down the road, Catweazle in a trilby and raincoat, an attempt by Cedric to make Catweazle look normal. Catweazle starts to cross road, until Cedric pulls him back.
CD " hey look both ways"
Catweazle looks straight ahead then behind him.
CD " no look right left and right again "
C " what sayest thou?"
CD " like this, you do what I do, right left and now right again. Now cross"
Catweazle crosses fingers.
CD " no the road you idiot "
Catweazle bends down and makes the sign of the cross on the road.
CD " oh no..come on "
They cross Catweazle carrying Wellington boot with Touchwood inside it.
John Ringham is Oscar Habbleman.

 

[michaellevenson]

Oscar Habbleman picks up phone, in a country house outside of Elderford the call is received. A woman in her 50's picks up phone.
H " hello"
Osc " Hanna, I want to speak to Otto"
H " just a minute Oscar I'll call him.....(shouts)...Otto "
Otto comes out of room to hallway to phone, classical music is blaring out.
Otto " I'm not deaf Hanna there's no need to shout."
Otto Habbleman is an identical twin to Oscar.
Otto ( phone) " who is that please?"
Osc " Oscar...listen Otto"
Otto " just a minute Oscar, Hanna please turn the radio down "
The music is still loud.
Osc " we cannot be sure"
Otto " what did you say Oscar?"
Osc " I said we cannot be sure"
Otto " what about?"
Osc " I can't hear you Otto"
Otto " just a minute Oscar....Hanna turn the radio off please"
Oscar has had enough,
Osc " I'll ring again" , (putting phone down)
The radio is now off at Otto's,
Otto " that's better, Oscar...are you there?"
Hanna, Otto's wife comes to phone.
H " is it alright?"
Otto " alright..? See what you have done, he's hung up on me"
John Ringham is Otto and Hana-Marie Pravda is Hanna.

 

[michaellevenson]

Cedric and Catweazle arrive at Oscar's ,
CD " don't forget if he asks you who you are, you're a visitor from overseas "
C " I swear by adamcos"
CD " let me do the talking okay"
C ( curtly) " okay...okay"
Cedric rings doorbell, Oscar opens door, he is immediately fixated on Catweazle.
Osc " oh...Ceedric how are you"
CD " it's Cedric, I'm fine thanks "
Osc " and your father"( looking at Catweazle)
CD " no he's...oh I see he's fine as well thanks "
Osc " and who are you?"
C " Catw......a visitor from overseas "
Osc " why are you carrying that boot?"
C " it's Touchwood "
CD " he's ill"
Osc " is he?"
Cd " yes he wouldn't eat his blue bottle this morning "
Osc " well ...er I don't think your friend should "
C ( offering boot to Oscar)" it's all I have"
Osc " I don't want it, I have a pair "
Cd " it's a toad "
Osc " a toad! Where?"
CD " in the boot"
All three peer into the boot.
Osc " I don't see anything "
CD " perhaps he's round the bend...in the toe"
Osc ( looking)" oh yes, I see him, what is wrong with him?"
CD " we don't know that is why we've come to you"
Osc " very wise of you, then you're acquainted with my work?"
CD " oh er..yes of course"
Osc " strange, no one else is, you better come in (viewing Catweazle suspiciously)
both of you "

 

[michaellevenson]

Inside Oscar is viewing Touchwood under a magnifying glass, with the toad on the worktop. Catweazle peers through glass to see a huge vision of his toad.
C " ahh..what has thou done"
He grabs glass off Professor Habbleman and looks through it, Oscar grabs it back.
Osc " do you mind"

Osc " you say he will not eat"
CD " that's right, what's wrong with him?"
Osc " patience my boy patience "
More studying under magnifying glass, then Oscar puts both hands up to his head excitedly.
Osc " no! It cannot be, it cannot be"

At Otto's, Otto rings Oscar hoping for better luck this time.
At Oscar's phone rings,
Osc " hello"
Otto " hello Oscar "
Osc " Otto just a minute "
Oscar rushes back to study Touchwood leaving Otto puzzled.
Otto ( phone)" Oscar ? Oscar?... hello, hello..." (hangs up)
Oscar runs back excitedly to phone.
Osc ( phone)" Otto, I have a very wonderful thing to tell you...Otto..Otto...he hung up, then why did he ring?"
Oscar grabs large, very old book, and says , while patting book a few Latin words, the title of the book.
Osc "de ratione ranarum rubetarum "
Catweazle thinks it's some magic incantation and replies with,
C " Shempamparash "
Osc " indeed so, published in 1637, in 1637!"
He hands book open to Cedric.
Osc " hold it open please Ceedric "
CD " Cedric "
Osc (Checking book, then toad, then book)" yes ....yes...no doubt at all. How long have you had this toad?"
C " 900..."
Cedric promptly interjects,
CD " quite a long time haven't you"
C " aye..900 years "
Osc " yes, it must be or even longer. Tell me where did you find him?"
C " in the great forest "
Osc " forest...can you take me there"
C " nay"
Osc " but you must, to find the others "
CD " others.....is it infectious "
Osc " this toad is extinct like the dinosaur, look at the length of the femur. Impossible but true, a new toad, a new species, this is a red letter in my life. My brother will go crazy, together we will fly to Heidelberg "
C " can thou fly, have thou the 13 signs"
Oscar puts Touchwood in an opaque specimen box.
Osc " we will address the zoological conference. Such a discovery how can I thank you."
Catweazle alarmed as the lid of box is shut with Touchwood inside it.
C " Touchwood !!"
Osc " do not worry my friend, my brother and I will take good care of him. Him ! I must phone him"
CD " but..Professor Habbleman "
Osc " no please, everything is wonderful "

 

[michaellevenson]

Oscar puts his coat on,
Osc " I will drop you off on the way to Otto's".
Catweazle slyly moves to the specimen box but Cedric pushes him gently away and whispers,
Cd " I'll get Touchwood after you've gone"
Catweazle nods and reluctantly leaves.
Oscar on phone,
Osc " Otto?...well get him Hanna get him...( under his breath)..stupid woman "
Otto ( phone)" hello"
Osc " Otto is that you, Otto I have found a toad extinct like the dinosaur"
Otto " please do not pull the leg Oscar"
Osc " no, but it's true I have examined it, it's the most exciting day of my life . Think what it'll mean Otto"
Otto " this is wonderful Oscar, I'm coming round"
Osc " of course "
Otto " see you"
Osc " see you too"
Cedric is about to open specimen box but Oscar is too quick and comes back into lab.
Osc " where is your friend?"
CD " he had to go"
Osc " strange man, very strange "
They leave lab, 5 seconds later Oscar returns to pick up specimen box he forgot.
Osc ( to himself) " dummpkof "
After they've gone Catweazle comes back in via back entrance .
C " Touchwood?...where art thou?
But of Touchwood there is no sign of course.

 

[michaellevenson]

Cedric and Oscar arrive at King's Farthing and enter hallway. Lord Collingford doesn't exactly look overjoyed at seeing this eccentric German absent minded professor.
Osc " Lord Collingford what a pleasure to see you again"
LC " Professor Habbleman what are you up to"
Osc ( points to box)" he has found it, such a clever little boy"
LC " what is it?"
CD " just a toad"
Osc " just a toad!! He is so modest your Ceedric "
LC " Cedric "
Osc " this is THE toad"
LC "is it really, I didn't think Cedric was interested in that sort of thing"
Lord Collingford peeks inside box, Touchwood heard croaking, Habbleman closes box.
Osc " I'm going to show it to Otto, he will go crazy"
LC " er.....will he?"
Being polite Charles offers Oscar a drink, hoping he'll say no.
LC " that must mean you have not time to stay for a drink"
Osc " why not, why not, you're very kind"
LC " oh...good, what about your brother "
Osc " may I telephone him"
LC " yes of course "
The two of them go into drawing room, Cedric moves towards specimen box, but in comes an agitated Oscar , forgotten it again, he picks it up.
Osc " dummkopf"
Moray Watson is Lord Collingford ( Charles).

 

[michaellevenson]

Catweazle is at Oscar's, on his hands and knees crawling around,
C " Touchwood, Touchwood, come my pretty boy (whistles)"
He sees glass case with toad in it.
C " ah..Touchwood...( crestfallen) nay thou are not Touchwood . Where art thou"
Otto comes in , the identical twin, looks more dapper and smartly suited than his scruffy looking brother.
Otto " Oscar....who are you?"
C " has thou forgotten I am Catweazle "
Otto " I'm sorry I do not think I've had the pleasure "
C " I bought thee Touchwood "
Otto " Touchwood?..er my brother?"
C " aye"
Otto " where is he?"
C "I cannot find him"
Otto " perhaps he is upstairs "
C " thou will make him well again?"
Otto " why what is wrong with him?"
C " thou does not know!!"
Otto " he was full of beans a little while ago "
C " full of beans?"
Otto " yes, he was bubbling over "
C ( anguished) " bubbling over !! Then he is doomed "
Otto " what are you saying, what are you trying to tell me...( looking worried)...Oscar ...Oscar. ( running upstairs)...Oscar."

 

[michaellevenson]

Back at King's Farthing,
Osc " just imagine it, an extinct species, I don't know if I told you but I have measured the femur"
LC " er..yes.. here's your drink"
Osc ( holding wine glass) " cheers, can I phone Otto now?"
LC " yes of course please do"
Oscar goes to window sill where phone is.
Charles gives Cedric a withering look.
LC " what the hell is all this about Cedric "
CD " erm...toads"
Hanna receives phone call at the country house.
H " is that you Otto"
Osc " no no it's Oscar. Can I speak to Otto"
H " isn't he with you"
Osc " if he was I wouldn't be ringing him up would I Hanna"
H " but he went to see you"
Osc " no no I'm coming to see him "
H " he should be there by now"
Osc " perhaps, but I am not there Hanna"
Oscar puts phone down,
Osc " my sister in law, no good on the phone"
LC " I see"
Osc " perhaps I should ring my home, but why is Otto there?"

 

[michaellevenson]

At Oscar's the phone rings, Catweazle alone in the lab, recognizes it is a " telling bone" , he encountered it on his first journey to 1970( series1). This is an old fashioned ' retro ' phone.

C " a trumpet telling bone...stop thy noise"
He knocks the receiver off with a swipe of his hand, then replaces it.
At King's Farthing,
Osc " he hung up, on my own phone he hung up".
at Oscar's house
Oscar rings again, Catweazle answers phone and holds mouthpiece about a foot away from mouth.
C " O great spirit of the telling bone where is my familiar?"
Otto returns and gawps perplexed at Catweazle.
C " I charge thee telling bone, lead me to him"
at King's Farthing
Osc " I can hardly hear you Otto I will dial again " He hangs up and redials.
at Oscar's
Otto tries to grab receiver off Catweazle.
Otto " give it to me"
C " nay I will speak to the spirits "
The two of them wrestle for receiver.
at King's Farthing
Oscar gets an engaged signal.
Osc " now it's engaged!! He hangs up on me, not once, or twice but three times, now he is talking to someone else"
Lord Collingford doesn't know what to say.
LC " erm..oh dear"

 

[michaellevenson]

at Oscar's
Otto has got receiver.
Otto " hello, hello..( replaces receiver)..what do you think you're doing?"
C ( shouts) " where is Touchwood!"
Otto " who is Touchwood?"
C " my familiar I brought him to thee"
Otto " I keep telling you I've never seen you before"
C " THOU HAS THOU HAS!!
Otto " let us not lose our patience. Are you working for my brother?"
C " thou has said I am your brother "
Otto " no no, I am not your brother "
C " so be it, I am not thy brother either"
Otto( smiling) " ah wait a moment I think I understand. You have mixed us up"
C " mixed up?"
Otto " yes, don't you see , there are two of us"
C " aye that is so"
Otto " no, not me and you, but me and him"

 

[michaellevenson]

The phone rings, Otto picks it up.
Otto " Oscar?"
H " Otto "
Otto " Hanna I am here "
H " listen Otto I'm very worried about Oscar, he called me, where is he?"
Catweazle shouts into phone,
C " where is Touchwood?"
H " he's with you then?"
Otto ( to Catweazle) " will you go away"
H " what was that Otto"
Catweazle tries to grab receiver,
Otto " will you go away"
H (angry) " oh very well then" ( slams down phone).
Otto " no Hanna not you!"

Otto " she's hung up, now listen, I am Otto Habbleman my brother is Oscar Habbleman, who are you"
C " I am Catweazle "
Otto " Catweazle?"
C " aye, now where is Touchwood?"
Otto " let's not start that business again "
Phone rings, Otto grabs it,
Otto " Oscar ?...where are you"
Osc " didn't Hanna tell you, I'm at King's Farthing. Now listen Otto whatever you do stay where you are"
Oscar turns to Charles,
Osc " I must go immediately "
LC " of course "
CD " Professor Habbleman don't forget this",( handing over specimen box).
Osc " my dear boy how can I ever thank you "
LC " I'm so glad he's been of help"
Osc " help?...today we have made natural history "
Oscar leaves, Lord Collingford and Cedric exchange weary glances.

 

[michaellevenson]

At Oscar's, Otto points to picture of toad on lab wall.
Otto " beautiful animals, so you see Mr Catweazle you have nothing to worry about, your wonderful toad will be perfectly safe with us. It is after all our field"
C " thy field?"
Otto " yes, we are experts "
On a table books are stacked high, Otto grabs one and shows Catweazle cover.
Otto " you see, ' Toads For The Layman ' by Otto and Oscar Habbleman "
On the bottom of the front cover is a green logo, a scorpion.
C " the sign of the scorpion "
Otto " that's right, scorpion books, take one, take several if you wish"
Catweazle takes book, looks in awe at scorpion logo.
C ( holding book aloft) " O mighty scorpion, thou that will help me fly, bring back my minion".
Oscar enters lab, Catweazle sees both of them he looks anguished, fearful.
Otto " at last, I can't take much more, you know this man?"
C " thou art bewitched "
Otto " he has been here for ages and will not go away "
C " shempamparash "
Otto " see what I mean"
Osc "and what can I do for you this time my friend "
C " I fear thee not, thou or thy shadow , where is Touchwood "
Otto " please Mr Catweazle be reasonable, I don't understand I really don't "
Osc " ah....Touchwood.....your toad "
C " aye"
Osc " that is what he is worried about Otto. There is no need to worry he is quite safe"
C " thou lie, thou double headed double dealer"
Osc " please calm down "
Otto " yes let us all calm down a little bit"
Osc " look Mr Catweazle I shall show you"
Oscar opens specimen box,
Otto " but Oscar the box is empty "
Catweazle smiles, quietly saying to himself,
C " I thank thee Owlface "
The two Habblemans stare at each other dumbfounded.

 

[michaellevenson]

At Duck Halt in the waiting room of the disused railway station.
CD " it was easy, he was on the phone most of the time, so I just put Touchwood in my pocket "
C " truly Owlface thou art my brother "
CD " is he going to be alright"
C " by Hecate, I hope so"
Catweazle looks into Wellington boot, Touchwood is inside out of sight.
C " thou shall have woodlice, I will find them for thee. Maybe a beetle or a worm, wouldst thou have a worm? Or an earwig"
Touchwood crawls out of the boot, looking well, a shiny green moist skin.
C " he has shed his skin!"
CD " so that's what was wrong with him "
C ( smiling)" a new skin, and a new toad. And look Touchwood a new sign"
Catweazle holds up book for Touchwood to see, gives him another smile and a lovely wink.


THE END

Next episode;

Catweazle Episode 22 - THE GHOST HUNTERS ( SCENE BY SCENE)

Cedric and Catweazle are in Duck Halt, the disused railway station that is home to Catweazle. Cedric is teaching him to read, he is standing by a blackboard on which he has written all the letters of the alphabet. Cd ( points with stick) " A" C " A for Adamcos" Cd " B" C " B...er.." Cd " B for...

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